The Best of this year.

*sighs*  Yes. I know, very cliche.  But, as it says, here is the best of 2012. Moses style.

*being a taste tester Christmas day at Oma's*
Me: It tastes like strawberry marshmallows.
Dad: (quoting Better Off Dead) It has raisins in it.
Mom, Dad and I: You like raisins.
Grandpa Fred *stares at the can*: There aren't any raisins in it.

"It got hit by car!"
"No, it just fell down."

"You have nothing to lose... But your pride! FARKLE!"

"Same on Christmas day, you'll be shitting rainbows that day too."

"Dude, I think this is real."
"Then she's a not a bad actor, just a bad person." 
-Beavis and Butthead

Alisa:"He looks Puerto Rican."
Mom:"When have you ever seen a Puerto Rican?"
Alisa:"They're all over Stanwood."
Mom:"There are not!"
Alisa:"Well, there's lots of Mexicans."
Mom:"One day, you're going to get hit."

"What do I do?"
"Nothing dear, you're not qualified."

Cailin:"Ooh! This is a great song." 
Mom:"No, its not." 
Cailin:"Thats why you're here, just to contradict me."

"Santa Claus doesnt bring presents to models."

"I grew up next to a girl named Taylor. She was a dumb bitch."

Mom on the phone: Yeah, yeah, they're engineers!
Me thinking to self: Trust me. I'm an engineer.

"Use your words Hayley."
"I'm trying!"

"Because he can't take life by the balls and deal with his problems without drugs! I'm making my rage quit faces Cole!" My rage quit faces!

"I hit myself in the face with a rake and it hurt less than teaching this class." 

Oh god of homework I beseech you! I give up. I'm going to do my homework.

"What are those?" 
"Chinese checkers."
"Oh… I thought they were candy. I was going to eat one."

"I just like you in a hat."
Dad:"So you're saying you don't like my hair." 
Alisa: "Wow, he just pulled a woman on you."
Mom: "Are you going to make me a sandwich?"

 "Basically, Portugal is like Spain... Only not."

"Whats a crinkle? Is that some sort of birth defect?"

"These papers make me feel imporant."

"Senators are crusty old men with dirty underwear!"

"Hayley, will you pinch my nipple?"
"No!"
"Why won't anyone just pinch my nipple?!"
"Every family member says they hate each other... I never said I actually do."
-Meg to PJ

Me: "Calm your tits."
Cole: "These tits can't be calmed."

"What happened? Are you transmitting the meaning of the universe Karin?" 


"So dizzy..."
"What's wrong?"
"No idea. Music makes it go away for the most part. 
i blame aliens sending wavelengths into my brain giving me vertigo."

"That was fun."
"How was that fun?"
"We got lost."
"We were'nt lost. I just took us to the wrong hospital."

"You even have a puke bucket! And its pink!"

"Number one: girls can't fart. Number two: if they do, not on my bed."

"... Whatever. Shirts are for pussies." -Alisa

"My thanksgiving started when Besta took the phone from PJ and held it upside down saying: No one's there!"

"Apparently being afraid of Steve Jobs riding a bicycle is perfectly understandable."

"Is someone crying in there or are you listening to opera!?" 
"Opera!!!!"
*intense laughter from alis and I*
Mom: "What a strange answer."
"Turn off the damn opera!!!" 
This is why I enjoy being related to my family.

"Some people I just want to stab."
"You continually tell me this."
"I'm practicing my stabbing motions."

"16 Camano, there is a rogue cow in the road."

"No reading real books is not an option."

"Put your hand down before I tear it off and beat you with it!" 

Me: You couldnt get the chocolate to melt could you? 
Alisa: Shut the fuck up.







I don't know how to fix the white highlight glitch there. 

Some questions.

  Why is it, that parents tend to blame things on each other? Dad said Mom suggested it, Mom said she had no part in it. And my computer profile time limits are still fucked up. My other sisters, can go onto their profiles any time they want. Mine? It goes from ten in the morning to one in the afternoon. Dad said, it was so the other girls would get a chance on the computer. I said, that I wasn't on the computer all day, and this wasn't giving me the opportunity to be on the computer. Basically, I said that it's bull shit, and not fucking fair. Yesterday, I took the opportunity to change it to nine in the morning to midnight, so I had a fair chance on the computer. I woke up this morning, and it was back the way it was. Of course I confronted dad all pissed off like, and I'm going to do it again today until it's fixed. Because this isn't very fair. School is coming up soon, and some homework needs to be typed, and it's a pain in the ass to use other people's accounts. When I am forced to, they get all pissy with me, and I hate it. Yes, I installed Minecraft and Scratch. No, I haven't pirated anything for a long long time. Which is what they decided to use against me. Minecraft and Scratch is not going to hurt the goddamn computer. Which is what they're always using as a trump card, that's useless.

A photo of my cousin.

This my cousin and she is in the military on her way to Afghanistan. She asked me to blur out her face on the id card so she doesn't get into trouble.

Thinking about stuff.

WELL. My dad refuses to buy aspirin. I threw a bit of a fit because at the time(I know this is too much info but whatever) I had cramps fairly badly, and it felt like the base of my spine was swelling and about to implode. I told him(at the time, I figured aspirin was the same thing as acetaminophen) that I would rather take one Tylenol than six to seven Kirkland brand ibuprofen in one day. He refuses to buy Midol as well, even though the Extended Relief stuff has Naproxen Sodium in it, which has nothing to do with aspirin and works awesomely. SO, obviously, when I get my own money, I am going to buy lots of Midol, the Teen stuff, Extended Release, and PM stuff. The PM stuff so when I get woken up at 3 in the morning I take one and will fall asleep and feel much better. ANYWAYS.

I really hope I get the job. It would be awesome if I do, and start getting money to spend on general stuff. Like clothes, and an awesome birthday present for Spencer. He says he just wants to go out to dinner and spend the day with me. Which I am perfectly happy with. I will have to find the nicest restaurant in Stanwood, or simply just get Curtis to dress up like an epic shauffuer and drive us out of Stanwood and to someplace better. Because... Stanwood sucks. The nicest place I know of is a Mexican restaurant but, that might as well do, dress up in a nice skirt, and take him out the day before his birthday. Because his birthday is on a monday. Yes. A monday. My birthday is on a wednesday, so I get to sleep in late, and try to hide from the world and my teachers that it is not my birthday. Which is going to be hard, because my friends are generally assholes when it comes to birthdays. I am one too. So, no judgement. That is why going and making a GIANT deal about Spencer's seventeenth birthday the day before will make it so I will keep it on the downlow about his birthday. WAIT A MINUTE.  If the 21st wasn't a friday, I would take him out that day. Because that day, is the day that we have set for our wedding. That's coming in about four years' time so chill people. And, he would think, that that was the awesomest birthday present ever. I might as well check out when his 18th birthday is, and try and do it then. FUCK YEAH! September 21st, 2013. Is a saturday. That. Is truly awesome. Well, I'm thinking of adding another colorful Adventures on LSD sometime later today. If I get bored-I mean creative enough.

I'm off to read about Ben Holiday and his adventures in Landover. (Terry Brooks, Magic Kingdom For Sale-Sold!)

First Interview! And Secret Shopper.

Before my foot goes numb entirely, I have a few things to say.
Recently, I got an email offering to be a "secret shopper". Call me stupid, but I replied, and agreed n stuff, and I'm supposed to get something in the mail... I'm going to check it out, and if it looks fishy by any means. I'll throw it away, and never look back. The thingy is supposed to come on Saturday, so, I'm going to look inside, and definitely see if all the checks or whatever are legit. Or not. If they are, I dunno what to do. If they aren't then good bye, and email google telling them about the scam. I've read a lot about the "Secret Shopper Scams" so I think I have an idea of what to look for if it doesn't seem right. I've looked into it A LOT. And, I still don't know what to make of this whole thing. It seems easy. But, you never know. I don't think I'm going to go through with it though, even if it is real.

ANYWHO. I have my first job interview tomorrow! It's at Merril Gardens, where my mom works, and I'm interviewing to be a part of their dining staff, being a waitress kind of person. I am super psyched! I have a nice outfit chosen, and am ready to go! I have read up some, on long term care dining staff, and I think I've got this. I guess it sort of sucks that it's at my mom's work but, it's a job. It pays money. I'll end up having two paychecks under my belt when school time comes around, and be able to Spencer a really nice present for his birthday. Mom says it's probably going to be part time work, which is okay with me. I'll be able to go do stuff, and Merril Gardens, serves shellfish from time to time, which is pretty kickass, since I like shellfish and am totes down with that. And, I think Merril Gardens pays pretty well. I'll have to look into that. My friend Nicole is absolutely positive that I'm going to get the job, and while having money to spend is going to be awesome, not having lots of downtime is going to be lamesauce. Wish me luck!

Justin Bieber. Fat people. Lazy people. Americans.

I don't feel like going in the order I put those things in, so, I'll start with..
Americans.
Americans are lazy. I'm not saying that other nations in the world don't have lazy people in them, it's just that the US has the most concentrated level of laziness. Because we are lazy fucks. That's it. Americans also feel the need to judge everyone they see. If you're a girl and have guy friends, you're a whore. If you're a guy with female friends, you're a player. If you dress well, you're conceited. If you wear clothes that are comfortable you're a slob. If you're bisexual or a lesbian, you're confused. If you're gay, you're going to go to hell. If you wear loose clothes, you're fat. If you're skinny, you're anorexic. If you have bags under your eyes, you're on drugs. If you cry, you're a drama queen. If you're nice to strangers, you're fake. We live in a society where it doesn't matter who you really are. You are labels. The thing is though, is that labels are stereotypes. And stereotypes exist because THEY ARE TRUE. Someone, somewhere fits that stereotype.  The problem with these stereotypes is, more than 90% of the population in the US, some billion or something people label people. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It's ridiculous. I mean fuck, if you have a speech impediment, you're mentally retarded. If you fall asleep in class because you didn't sleep well and desperately need sleep, you're a slacker. If you don't turn your homework in, and get bad grades, not only are you a slacker, but you're stupid. America sucks. I really don't like so many people. I would say hate but, in this society, the word hate means nothing. It makes no impact. People joke about it. They go "I hate you" "Oh I hate you too." It's ridiculous. 
JUSTIN BIEBER
I didn't know that Justin Bieber was eighteen. Nuff said. I thought he was my little sister's age.

Fat and Lazy people.
I'm putting the two together because they generally go together in the first place. Biggest Loser, My 600 Lb Life, all that shit is dumb. And ridiculous. My middle younger sister is lazy. To the extreme. My two youngest sisters have a tiny room. It is constantly messy. And they have more storage equipment than anyone in the house. Or any part of the house. I will admit that my room isn't the cleanest, but I do intend to clean it at some point next week, because I need to gather laundry, and put clean laundry away.It could actually be a lot worse than it is now. My little sisters, except for Alisa, are complete slobs. My little sister Meghann has eczema. And she likes to sleep in the dirty clothes she wore the day before. And it makes her eczema worse. Yeah. Messed up.And gross.

Washington weather.

Washington  is going through a crisis. We're having thunder. And lightning. This, this is not normal. So as I sit here writing this, and eating pretzels and ranch, there is thunder. It came to a point a few times that the thunder shook the windows. Yeah. This has been going on for TWO DAYS. It's annoying as fuck. The thunder scares the dog. It's funny, yet I feel bad when I take him out for bathroom breaks. Or walkies. This SUCKS. Washington suddenly develops Texas weather. Nothing I knew of this weather is true anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...

Well, this is my last day in photojournalism. My last day to dink around on the internet at school and use Photoshop CS5. Wow. This sucks. I'm all sad now. I never really wanted the school year to be over. Yeah yeah yeah I get to go to a wedding and possibly bring the love of my life along so he can FINALLY meet everybody. But, whey hey I guess. I'm all depressed now. Sure, I have photoshop at home but it's not the same, and I can't figure out how to change the view on photoshop elements to make it easier(and not so much of a pain in the ass) to use. Wow. This, really sucks. And I really have to pee. Lovely. 

Good Times

What exactly is the definition of good times now adays? For me, it used to mean Alisa and I went outside and played games, and watched movies like E.T., Cats Can't Dance, Winnie the Pooh, all the cool ones. Now... Good times are sitting around and drinking and smoking and doing drugs. Am I the only one that sees the problem here? I miss being able to go outside everyday and play with my sister and live in the little world that consisted of our yard. I miss my big box of Lego, and my Barbies and everything that made up that world. Something happened in the last twelve years. But, I don't know exactly what. I just know that it's wrong.

Lego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dad, says that we're all made out of the same box of Legos. (He was saying this to my sisters and I. At the time I was incredibly offended, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh yeah..) While he was going on and on about us all being made from the same box of Legos I was thinking  that while Alisa and I were made from the same box, Meghann and PJ were made from a different box entirely. Thinking now, we're just made from different Lego Builder Sets. And, in my artist statement I wrote for our big final project, I decided to say that really, we're all made from the same box of Legos, just different Builder Sets. Sweet huh? Definitely an A there. 

Yaaay! We're back in business!

Adventures on LSD

#3: Welcome to Hell

ONCE upon a time, there were five friends(and some zombie-ninja-fairies), and they really liked to trip out. And, one day, they were just messing around, when they fell… Into a hole of doom. And they landed in a random forest in I-don’t-know-where. This, is James the Fucking Pixie, Harry the Unicorn, Jesus, Maurise the Narwahl, and I’s story. 
And, this story is called, Our Adventures on LSD. Story #3: Welcome to Hell. 

*         *          *

We were all hanging out one day (this was before our big adventure Welcome to Hell, but, really, I want to start before the story really begins), and decided to go trip out again. While we were chilling on the couch hearing colors, and seeing music, a big ass hole opened up. Naturally, James got up, and was all:
“Dude. What the fuck is that?” 
We all shrugged, and were all: “How the hell should we know?” 
Then, this random lady came out and pulled us all into the hole. And here we are now, sitting in the middle of a forest, in Bum-fuck-nowhere, lost as fuck. By the way, we use the f bomb a lot. 
  “Shit dude.”
“Woah.”
“Are you sure we’re still tripping?” I stand up.
“Guys, we are so totally not tripping. This is nuts. That hole of doom must’ve stolen our trip. Damn, that must be one hungry hole.” We’re all up and looking around this big ass forest. James the Fucking Pixie is floating as usual, two inches off the ground. 
KERSMASH! 
“HOLY SHIT!” 
Some random chick comes out, she’s hella short, and well, floating. Like James does.  What the fuck? She’s short, with black hair, and the same stick figurey type figure that James has. She looks at us all wide eyed. Then says (in utter bewilderment),
“JAMES!!! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” 


All eyes go to James. Who’s looking too squeamish for words. She looks so pissed off, you have no idea. James sighs. He looks like he’s on the verge of a really long story I don’t exactly think I want to hear but, he starts on it anyways. 
“You guys… This is my cousin. Elena the Fucking Botanist.”
“Damn straight I am! You are in so much trouble mister, you need to get your ass back home right-” James interrupts her.
“ELENA. I am older than you. And the forest isn’t my home anymore. My home is with these guys,” he gestures to us. “And, I’m going to stay with them in California.” Wow, I didn’t think she could get anymore pissed but she is. 
 Maurise the Narwahl’s cage gets rattled and he says, all slowly and chill-like,
“What exactly happened here?” James sighs again. 
“I left the forest because I was tired of living here. And. . . Well, that’s not important.” I look around some more, and notice that this place looks kind of familiar and I can’t remember why. Elena the Fucking Botanist starts going on and on about some weird tangent saying that James is a prince. James motions for us all to head off behind him, and we walk and walk and walk, until we come across something that makes Elena the Fucking Botanist cringe. A tall plant, with magenta dots on the stem, and several braches of little clusters of white flowers.      
    She reaches for a knife at her waist. The plant has a sleeping face. 
Elena whispers, “The Beast of Poison Flowers.” 
“Pardon?” James, Harry the Unicorn, Maurise the Narwahl, Jesus and I say.
The “Beast of Poison Flowers doesn’t look so sleeping anymore… Come to think of it, it looks a little like hemlock. Poison hemlock. But, this stuff is controlled in the States. Okay so.. It’s not where we are but. . .
“When are we?” I ask. James looks a little sad. 
“About three hundred years into the past.” 
“Say what?” Elena the Fucking Botanist looks even more angry. 
“You went to the future!? How could you! You know that’s forbidden!”
“To goddamn bad Elena,” James looks over at Jesus and says, “No offense bro. Elena, I left because I wanted to. Not as some revenge or rebellion or anything. I left because I felt like it.” Elena puts her hands on her hips, and then. . . The poison hemlock speaks in a growly voice, that makes the ground rumble,
“A human has entered the forest, a human to be poisoned. A human and friends. The pixies are already dying, the human will only bring about the death to its race. A narwahl, a saint, a unicorn and a pixie, all coming along with the human from the future. A human brought us with it to the future, in the human past, and we easily took over. . . But I can smell that the human knows we did not prevail in devouring the humans. We will devour the pixies, and we will devour the humans. Do not underestimate us human, we know of your ways, and we know how to devour you, your race, and in the course of time we will devour your world. Just as we have done before, and as we will to this forest, this land of creatures unknown to the humans. You all disguise yourselves, the saint, the unicorn, the narwahl and the pixie, so you will remain left in peace. And as the clock continues clicking, the course of time will deceive you, and you will be thrown into a land of destruction.”
Elena the Fucking Botanist mutters,
  “Now you’ve done it.” and bolts in the opposite direction, actually flying, not floating as James usually does. He grabs my arm and says, 
“We should get going now.” He stops floating and picks me up, actually flying for once, and Jesus follows running in the air, and Maurise and Harry are just chilling floating with us. We stop after a few minutes, and then we land in a village. A village I know I’ve seen before. But. . . When? Oh well. Some old dude with a beard comes up to us, and Elena the Fucking Botanist is hovering behind him. James looks unaffected by the old dude. Even though the old dude looks kind of scary. And, the shouting begins.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG WE WERE LOOKING FOR YOU! THAT HUMAN LURED YOU OUT OF THE FOREST WHERE YOU BELONG! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME!? GETTING HIGH WITH THE SILLY GIRL BEHIND YOU? YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR PLACE AS PRINCE OR YOU WILL NOT TAKE IT BY CHOICE, IT WILL BE HANDED DOWN TO YOU AND YOU WILL! NOT! LEAVE! AGAIN!” 
James sighs, I really need to keep track of how often he sighs while we’re here.
“My answer to you is this, she did not lure me out of the forest. I left. I am not going to be prince. I am going to go back to California and be with my friends.” 
   The old guy motions to some armed dudes with neatos staffs. They stand around Harry, Maurise and Jesus. 
“They will leave, you and the human will stay.” He snaps his fingers and 
KABLAMO! 
They’re gone. What? What? Everyone seems to be staring holes through me. Is it what I’m wearing? I’m just wearing a blue t-shirt, and some jeans. I get why this is all so familiar. I’ve been here before… I remember falling through a hole, and finding myself in some random forest with some random guy looking down at me, and then he took me back to my house, and stayed. Oh, I see what happened. There’s a lot of shouting and what seems to be the same poison hemlock plant comes crashing into the village. Wonderful. You can see the roots, all gross like, with one root, that’s got purpley-red blotches on it. Gross. People are running and screaming, and then there’s me. Going, what the fuck is going on here? Because I really don’t know. There’s quite a few poison hemlock plants now, and I’m being pulled across the courtyard and into a tree. Since when do people hide inside trees? Aren’t you supposed to be up at the top? I look around, Elena the Fucking Botanist was the one who pulled me in here, and with an oomph! James is at the entrance guarding it. Elena looks like she’s about to fess up to something. 
“There’s. . . I, well, at the other end of the forest, in the really infested part, there’s the Mother Beast, the original plant that came here. It might be able to help us, some dwarves came through earlier, saying that a huge beast had helped them get rid of a problem, and that the beast was at the far eastern edge of the forest, little did we know. . . All they did was move their problem to our forest.” 
“James.”
“Yes?”
“I have a feeling that there’s an adventure landing on our faces.”
*         *                  *                *                   *           *


   And so we set off, wandering through the forest with a poorly drawn map, and an incentive. Elena gave us her journal where she had written down notes about the poison hemlock plants. There’s notes on how there’s a strong enough toxicity to kill in high doses, and that every part of the plant is poisonous, particularly  the root, and she wrote about how at first the plants looked like wild carrots, and they picked the baby plants and ate them, and that’s when people started dying. The biochemistry of the plant is too strange to mention. The notes are very good. It says that the plants can get up to ten feet tall, and the stems are completely hairless. This is very confusing. We’ve been traveling  for three days, avoiding getting eaten by the poison hemlock(the plant mutated and will eat people, that’s what you get for living in an enchanted pixie world), and finally making it to the original poison hemlock plant. It’s HUGE I mean GIGANTIC. 
It’s just insanely big. It looks like it’s sleeping, until we approach it, and in a very deep, grumbling voice it says, 
“Let the human step forward first. She knows what we really are, she knows more than the botanist. Don’t worry child, I will not harm you, unlike my children I do not hunger for flesh, I am content with the sun, the air and the water, my children are unlike me. You wish to know how to get rid of us, it is a very long, harsh path. It takes years, and much dedication, as the clock continues clicking the botanist will find a way. But, for now, you are going home, with the Prince of the pixies. Botanist come here. . . I will show you how to get rid of us, so no more harm can be done to your people.” And, there’s another hole we fall into, the forest swirls and looks creepy, then James and I crash land into the couch. 
“That was one crazy adventure.” 
“But, for once, it wasn’t actually an Adventure on LSD was it? I don’t know. I just don’t know.” 

That was our crazy adventure into the past. And, we have no idea why it happened. We’ve all changed, well, James and I have, he and I are closer after that REALLY LONG ASS WALK through the forest. Fun right? No. Not at all. 






I think it's okay, it could use some more character development but, whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Return of the Adventures on LSD Cast!

WELL Adventures on LSD is back! OKAY OKAY maybe not today, but soon. 
Let me explain.


In science, we are studying weeds. And, we had to choose a weed, and then research it, then write a story, create pictures, and then put it all into a powerpoint. I chose poison hemlock. And, naturally, I had to create an LSD adventure for you guys. James the Fucking Pixie, Harry the Unicorn, Jesus, Jesus' zombie-ninja-fairies, me, and Maurise the Narwahl are back! With some  new friends, James' family, The Fucking Pixie clan, his cousin, Elena the Fucking Botanist, and a few others you get to meet later. And, OF COURSE naturally it has to be informational. Which sucks. BUT I'm definitely going to have fun with this. Today, in photojournalism. Because I'm badass like that.

Hmmm. I haven't posted in a while, so I figure I'll let Josh know what's up.

SO I don't exactly really want to go to the engagement party. I just don't. I have a final to work on and I won't know many of the people there. Maddi, Aimee and I constructed a plan. I will go, BUT I will have headphones and music on me to ignore them all if I get stuck in a corner by myself. In a sorta fuck-you-all-you're-lame thing. Because, I'd rather rock out to music than pretend to not care about standing around in a group of people at the zoo by myself. Just figured I'd let you know what's up Josh. If you have any advice on this email me!!!! 

Oh yeah, it's on saturday, and I haven't asked my mom yet.