Oooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've got a greeeeaaat prezzie!!!!!!!!!!! You know Angry Birds? Well, for Christmas my prezzie from Spencer I got a little pig. Named Piggy! And, I luuuuuuuuuuuuurve him, both him and Spencer :D 

I. Am. An. Absolute. DORK.

OKAY. So first, I feel like a total idiot for baring my soul to Spencer, it was cool because he got it, and I felt better later, it was a sort of heart to heart, soul baring conversation. It went on until almost midnight and afterwards I PASSED out. Like, passed the fuck out. It was crazy. I felt like a fool and a half, and almost said something I thought of this morning but, right as I thought about telling him... I said to myself, no, you will make a fool of yourself. Soooooo I didn't. And I'm not telling YOU either. Just because I am me, and I am cool like that.
   


     Er, no, I just don't feel like making a fool of myself on the internet. Because I honestly don't know how many people read this, and I really really like to y'know, not feel stupid.


   MOVING ON. AnnMarie you are being stupid. Bottom line. You are being stupid with this whole Michael business, she probably won't read this but, I just had to say it. It's funny, my blog is sort of like a diary, only, I write in my REAL diary more often. It's a blue spiral notebook. Not kidding you. My next one is quite cool and bound n stuff and the design is great, although when I got it I didn't know that there would be bible quotes at the bottom of each page. Catholic Bible quotes. Shit. Just shit. That's all I could think of to say. I am working on my LSD Adventure to describe this whole Mike and NIchelle and AnnMarie business and I hope it explains everything. I really do.

Hey Peoples Of Earth

Well, as is really obvious, I messed around with my blog again. I like it, because really, why can't everyone just speak english? Things would be a lot less confusing. Like, international talking type things. So we don't have things like George Bush when he went to Australia  and was all "yeah yeah peace out man" with the peace thing with your fingers. And he ended up really offending them. Well, I like the new name, because it's great! I like it. I think it looks nice how I've set my blog up. But, I have really good grades. No joke. I am amazed, and really proud of myself.  OKAY OKAY, I have one F in gym, and one D in English but just back off okay? On to books. I have been reading a great book. It's called Tweak: Growing up on Methamphetamines by Nic Sheff. And okay okay I know I know, it's a memoir about his life while he was in San Fran and L.A. and how he relapsed, got his shit together, then relapsed again. But, it is FANTASTIC. Not shitting you. I love it. It's great. His dad, David Sheff, wrote the book Beautiful Boy  and this book is the other side. I haven't read Beautiful Boy and I doubt I will but, whatever, I also have read Withering Tights by Louise Rennison. Who is one of my favorite authors. She lives in England and so on, and I read her series Confessions Of Georgia Nicolson. Which, most of the things in there really did happen to Louise and I thought that it was great and the books are really quite funny, in a teenaged angst kind of way. I recommend her books eight ways to Sunday. And I KNOW that there isn't eight ways to Sunday, but get off my back will you??? You're starting to seem like my Mutter and Vater. So HUSH. And shutup brain. Now. Have you ever had one of those times where your brain will NOT SHUT THE HELL UP??? I've been having those. I can't stop thinking about the 17th. Which, I know, is tomorrow. I can't stop thinking about it, because it's Spencer and I's three year anniversary. Really awesome right! I know!!!! I'm so excited I think I might explode! It's been driving me crazy thinking about it, and ever since about... Sometime last week I have been in a fabulously fantastic mood. All the time. Even in the mornings. And I am not known to be a happy camper in the mornings. Normally I'm a wake-me-up-and-I'll-fucking-kill-you camper in the mornings. Which, uh, isn't all that good really. Particularly because of waking up and going to school every morning. Which, let's see, I've only been doing for the past eleven years now. And, I'm still not used to waking up in the mornings, I'm a bit better at it now that I've been doing it for so long, but, in elementary school I was not very good at getting up. In the form of.... Well, I almost had to be dragged out of bed, and then I had to be up and ready to go at seven fifty in the morning, instead of six thirty like I have to now. Weird right? And, really the waking up at a certain time every day never really ends, because after highschool, there's college and going to work, and all that. But, hey, it's better than being broke and out of work right?

There is nothing quite like life.

There is nothing quite like being in the bathroom, dancing you ass off in front a mirror, totally lost in the music. Lost in every bit of the song. There's nothing quite like life. You have your ups and downs. The ups where you're having a great time, you're lost in the music, and then the downs where you're having a hard time. But, the thing is, is that everything gets better. It always does. It always will. The ups are awesome, you fall in love, you get your dream job, you finish high school or college, you get married, you have your first child. All those things. And there are the downs where maybe, your best friend gets addicted to drugs, or your aunt dies. Or any number of things. For your friend you can always cart them off to treatment, and you can grieve over your aunt, and then things will get better, humans may be essentially bad, but, they have the potential for good. (We're studying Lord of The Flies in English) Even people who have done terrible things, still have the potential for goodness. Like... Hitler. He did lots of horrible things(well, he had other people do them but he had the thought) but, he had a family. He had a daughter, who he must have loved very much, and cared about. See? It's all, er. . . Related. Or do I mean relative? I don't know, why are you asking me, when I don't even know what I'm going on about most of the time? But, alas, EVERYONE has good days and bad days. You're not the only one. You're not the only person who's afraid of falling in love because you've been hurt so many times before. You're not the only person who's worried about losing their job or their house or their family. It happens.

Oooohhh boyyy

Well. That was a laugh. The Vet Day assembly was funny Kay and Spencer kept on rockin' out to the "serious" songs about war and death and so on, it made me smile. And he kissed my nose. Just out f the blue. It was sweet really. Anyways, he is coming over after school and I am suuuper nervy about it  because dad's gonna be home and I don't want the third degree about kissing and all that crap. Not to mention tickling. And laughing. And goofing off to go outside and run around. Whew! Today has been fun :D

Whey hey! Hey ho!

Say hello to brand new Wise Woman of the Forest! I have become a wise wise person! I am helping my friend Beth vis a vis a shy boyfriend type of problem. Now, I have another blog! For ladies (and Josh) only! It is called The Working Woman's Little Black Book. A love/relationship help guide. See, I told you I have become Wise Woman of the Forest. People are starting to take me vair vair seriously. Which is er.... Actually kind of scary. Because generally when I give people advice I am just pulling stuff out of my butt and it makes absolutely no sense because I am talking bollocks. By the way, I have been reading a bunch of books by the British author Louise Rennison. SO, I have adopted lots of British words. Like bollocks. And bugger. And 'er'. Not to mention oo-er. And 'vair' which is just from French people who are trying to speak British type English and they are trying to say 'very'. See, I also didn't know that when British type people talk about 'biscuits' they are talking about cookies. Did you know that? I sure as hell didn't. We may be descendants from England but people in England need to learn how to speak properly.

Yes. Hurray for my life.

I had my phone for a week. Not even. And mom went and had dad take it away again. Just because I had posted up a status on facebook, and Spencer had been mad about it and called dad names and I said: "I know." I didn't call dad names. Not at all. Seriously? A WEEK. And now dad won't listen to me. Not at all. Really Mom? Really dad? Thanks for making it so I can't have have my phone even a week. Without you guys taking it away again. I DIDN'T CALL DAD NAMES. Yea, Spencer did, but I didn't. All I said was: "I know." That's it! That's all I said. And, for good measure I deleted the post. But, honestly, people, I had it for barely a week, and already it got taken away again, how do I keep managing to fuck up at EVERYTHING? Even my math grade which has gotten raised from an F to a D+ isn't good enough even though I missed the first two WEEKS of school. And have no leverage for anything. And missed the first chapter. And need to play catch up. Great, life got to be great for once, and now, it's back into the dumps. I got my phone back and managed to keep myself from losing my mind during that lovely nervy b I had last night after starting to remember things I would rather forget because I got to text Spencer until I fell asleep. Thanks Mom, for putting me in a really bad situation. I don't even know if I'll have another nervy b. I probably will. Knowing me, and knowing how much it haunts me, well, lucky me, I get to lose my mind.

Halloween!

Happy Halloween!!!! 
I had a pretty good Halloween! Spencer and Ray and Mike came round and so we had a laugh in the kitchen until Dad came in they all had to go :( But hey it was alright I had a lot of candy already so I'm alright for now :)

I needs a band-aid.

I cut my finger this afternoon. I was using my mom's rolling fabric cutter to cut some cardboard and pushed down on the blade thinking it was the handle and my left thumb is fucked up. Fun right? No, plus we didn't have any good band-aids soooo I used two band-aids. Yeah. I hate my thumb right now.

People. Stuff. Religion.

I mentioned in my last post that I'm not religious, however, it's not simply because, I want to rebel or anything like that, I couldn't keep up with it as a kid, by the time I was about thirteen and started knowing stuff about other religions the one that stood out the most was agnosticism. It was something that made sense, I couldn't keep up with religion so I decided "hey, lets sit on the fence" and I have, and I am fine, YES I BELIEVE JESUS EXSISTED!!!!!!!!!!!! Please stop hurting me....... *in the background* mwuahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    GEOMETRY. Okay, so, I know this is waaay far away from religion but, I have to tell you a secret. So, don't go to Russia. Because if you do and you're an American the Chinese will kidnap you and take you away where they will cut out your brain and remove everything you know about geometry and then they give your brain and your body to aliens, who keep your brain but then cut up your body parts, and sell them to mad scientists. That's why you shouldn't go to Russia. 

Weeeellll then.

Well, Hi! My oh my has it been awhile since I've been out and about. Wellll, shit has certainly happened. I was enlightened and have taken on Jesus as my savior. 




    Yea. Right. Why would I be religious when I was pumped from the day I was born that I'm supposed to believe in Jesus and so on and so forth yadadadadada religion dada Jesus. But for a while I was religious. But, what I've come to know is this,


    The best children are the ones who grow up, then question everything you've ever taught them and learn for themselves who they are, and who they're going to be. 


  Pretty smart for being sixteen. OH YEAH! I'm sixteen now! I feel pretty boss. I don't feel much different. A bit enlightened and know that I hate advisory and physical torture but, all in all I'm two years away from starting out on my own :D Which is gonna be awesome. Out and about in Eastern Washington. With my mister, well he isn't my mister. . . Yet. So, I'm positive that Spencer and I are going to last. No doubts. I mean, after all, we managed to stay together after, the argument between Ann and I, rumors about me cheating on him(that would never ever be true. Ever.), and all the lovely stress and hell called High School. 


    I mean, honestly, I'd rather be at a trade school, learning the ways of landscape design. I would probably still be in geometry, but, I would probably be learning only what I need. Which would be so much more beneficial. Why would I ever need to be able to tell you whether something is a conditional, converse, inverse or contropositive statement? What the hell is the point of that? And yes, I actually had to look at my geometry notebook to remember those terms. Which, considering that I was in that class barely under and hour ago, is, well... Sad.


    THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Mike and Nichelle aren't dating anymore. 'Nuff said. Alisa and Alex have been dating for three months now. Which is cool cause Alex is happy and all is well in the World Of Alex Donaldson. I passed the ninth grade. Even though my parents were positive I wouldn't and by the end of the school year I had about 50 unexcused absences. Skipping school is fun. Until you get suspended ( no, I didn't get suspended) and then you're just fucked. But, a six day weekend would be pretty cool. If you're eighteen and you can go where ever you want and your friends got suspended with you. And I'm rambling. 

There are Bears and Spiders

NOW. Life,so far, has been okay. There have been ups, and downs, mostly ups lately which is nice. And whoever keeps saying that being a teenager is easy doesn't understand what it's like to be constantly thinking about one person, and not being able to focus on anything else. Well, except for when it came to first period, Spencer, writing a murder story is quite entertaining. And it took my mind off you. For about not very long. There's always that one person who you can't stop thinking about, and when you think about them you get butterflies and it's like you're falling in love over and over again everyday. I love it :) Being in love is like its, kinda like a drug you never need to buy, that you can't sell, and you would never give up. Wait... That's a terrible analogy. Oh well, anyone who's been in love understands what I'm talking about :) 

Sunday Morning.

Well, this morning sure has been pretty interesting. Dad took us out to breakfast, and we all put ourselves into a stomach coma. And, for me, I put my tummy into a sodium coma, with my salt infested hashbrowns. Which, were fanstastic! My story is coming along. Well. . . Sort of. If you count writing five parts of one plots(well, two, I'll explain later) all at once. Fun right? Particularly when you keep getting creative block and it REFUSES to fuck off. On the brighter-ish side of things, school started on thursday, and it wasn't too bad. I don't have any crazy ass teachers like Ms. Schroeder (said shray-der fucking weird I know) well, as far as I can tell. I mean, we've only had two days of school so far. As soon as I see any noticeable craziness I shall tell you. I found my new favorite Maroon 5 song! Well, two. The first is called Sunday Morning, and yes, I listened to it this morning. The second is Must Get Out. And I love these two songs. Because, well, they're great! And, for a while today and yesterday if I remember right, I had their song Nothing Lasts Forever  stuck in my head, and for the longest time I couldn't remember the name of the song, until I was doing dishes today. Too bad I don't have the song. I would definitely be listening to it right now. Oh! I got Dad to put my account back up on the computer. Which is nice. Now I don't have to spam Meghann's account with my pictures and meme's and funniness. Or my music. I got a bunch of new Maroon 5 yesterday, and in a fit of trying to make everything work, I accidentally deleted Misery and Makes Me Wonder from my mp3 player, and when I noticed I almost cried. Because those are on my list of favorites. I also found out that I have no idea where my french-english dictionary went. Which. Really sucks. That book didn't cost much but, I like to use it to try and learn french on my own(and I have failed terribly, I only know a couple french phrases and words). Sundays suck. (Refer to my very first post) But, so far, today hasn't been that bad. I have new music. And I can write, and think of Spencer and text him, and text Madi, and Kecia, and Ann, and peoples. I have to say, on the song Sunday Morning it has an amazing piano bit, and I want to learn how to play that part. And, if I go to Ann's often enough I'm sure that I shall learn it in no time. Besides, I need to go over there for Geometry. I really don't feel like taking a school math class. Learning geo with Ann would be so much more fun. Or, have Spencer help me with it. Maybe I'll be able to pass the HPSE. That sounds really ominous right? Yeah, I know. Besides, if I don't have Ann help me with biology, then I'm literally, fucked over. Because, the science HSPE is on Biology. And. . . I'm taking Horticulture. Because, growing plants sounds awesome, and the CBA for that class is really cool. I can't remember the real name of it, but, it's really cool. You can landscape someone's yard, or make a wedding flower arrangement or whatever. I'm thinking of doing a wedding flower arrangement. Mostly, cause I know that I can add ivy (not poison ivy, the kind that grows on trees n stuff) and have it wrap around the vases and have it look b-e-a-utiful. Plus, the people who live up the street grow tons of flowers and would probably totally help me, and let me have some of their flowers. Granted, if I let them have the project after it's graded and stuff. I'm thinking of using real ivy instead of fake ivy, though fake ivy would be easier to work with. Oh well, I'm a dreamer. But, at least I know that I can accomplish my dreams. No matter what Dad or Mom or anyone else says. :)

This girl... Is me.

She sits on her bed, legs crossed, her shoulders back, breathing deeply, and three tears run down her cheeks as she tries to clear her head, and rid her mind and body of all that's stressing her. Instead, she ends up thinking about all the people who support her. Spencer. AnnMarie and  Ann's dad. Kecia. Paige. Kayla. The school nurse. Her aunt. Her grandparents. Oma. Fred. Grandma Mo. And, she realizes, as she's sitting on her bed with those tears rolling down her cheeks, dripping off her chin and into her lap, that even though her Dad doesn't support her, there are so many people that do. And she's left wondering why it's such a big deal that one person doesn't. The easiest answer would be that it's her dad. Shouldn't she care what he thinks of her and what she does? She thinks and thinks. And, comes to realize this:

 Just because her dad doesn't approve of the boy she loves, and doesn't give her writing, her style of fashion, her art, and her life, and her dreams any recognition, doesn't mean she should get all wrapped up in those things. What's the point of that? There isn't she decides. She has a  wonderful future ahead of her. She has love. And, soon, in a bit of time, her wedding, then her own family. A husband who loves her. And cares about her. And two healthy kids who she'll love almost as much as her husband-to-be. And, with all that in front of her, why the fuck should she care about what one person thinks? Particularly when that person means nothing to her? 

Thinking about my life.

I've been thinking recently, about what's happened in my life. And how I've reacted to the bad things. Recently, I was cleaning out my room, and I found the original to my story Flat On The Floor. And, I remembered how I used to write whenever I was upset. Whenever I was feeling sad, or lonely, or just plain feeling shitty. I remembered how much better I felt, when I wrote, how I could look back to the start of my writing and read through what I had written and how amazing it felt to see how much better my writing had become since I started writing. My mom used to write non-fiction. Me? I've always been into fiction. With very complex characters. Characters that have back-stories that you never really hear about. The kids who have parents that steal they're child's prescription pain-killers. And, mad scientists who take illicit drugs and make it so they treat manic depression and schizophrenia. I LOVE writing. And, I'm not vain. I know that I'm a good writer. I've been told so many times. Yes, I know some of the content isn't very y'know read to your seventh grade class out loud. It's more high school appropriate. But, writing makes me feel good. It makes me proud of myself. It makes me feel like I'm going to make a mark on the world. But, not just with writing. I also want to be a landscape designer. And maybe, be a good-enough landscaper to design a garden for the czar of Russia! I want to have a cat shelter in my garage. There's so much I want to do, travel across the world, learning about flowers and the landscape designs of different countries all over the world! I want to go to St. Petersburg in Russia. And, I want to go to Austria and sing songs from the Sound Of Music just so I can remember it later, and laugh, and have all these great fantastic memories! When, right now, I don't have very many. I want to get some of those Kodak disposable cameras, and take tons of pictures of me and my friends together, and have it up on a wall. It's gonna be awesome! Now, all I need is tape and disposable cameras.

Things I know.

Marriage. 21st century marriage. Very few marriages last. Particularly high school sweetheart marriages. My grandparents got lucky. Oma and Fred are near their sixty year anniversary. They met when they were 15. They got married when they were 17. They are high school sweethearts. I have been told, since Spencer and I started dating, that we would never last. I was always getting told that my Oma and Fred were lucky. Personally,  I'm tired of being told that I can't make it. I'm tired of being told that the love I've found isn't love. I'm tired of being told that I can't do something. I'm tired of not being good enough. 


 I know that I'm not the only teenager that's feeling this way. It's sad.  People will say that a divorce is the biggest way to ruin a kid's childhood. What I know is that that is not true. And, rape can tear apart a person's life, and self-esteem. But, the way to tear apart a person's life is pressure. Pressure is the perfect way to take a funny, happy, carefree child. Pressure can take a person and fill them with fear, and helplessness, and a drive to try and be "perfect". I know this. Because, I'm that kid. And, I know I'm not the only kid feeling this way. The people you go to, and try to get help from, they tell you to confront the people pressuring you. But, what if that person is your dad? Or your mom?  Then. . . Escaping is hard. Too hard. And, the waiting sucks. I have two more years. Two years. Two summers of missing him, and feeling miserable. And rarely seeing my love. Sooner or later, I'm going to be counting down the days until I move out and get to be with the one I love and just be happy. And good enough. Instead of never being good enough. And never being able to say that I tried my hardest, and did my best. And have that be all I need to say.  And not have another voice say: You didn't! You could have done better!  I'm tired of being told I've never done enough. I have a wonderful love who looks at me, and sees me as perfect. I keep thinking why doesn't dad see the same? I'm his oldest daughter. . . 

hey GUYS!

Christ, it's been a long while since I posted up on here. And lots of shitola has happened. There's been drama, and downsides and goodsides :) THERE'S BEEN A GREAT DAY TODAY! I vwent blueberry picking with Spencer and his gma and gpa, and it was AWESOME!  I had an awesome time, wandering around Snohomish afterwards :) I want to do that next summer :)

ah. The joys of DRAMA!

Yes, I have been hit by Nichelle drama again. Except... In the form of Spencer and I being angry with each other. Lovely. I hope its resolved I'll see late tomorrow night :)

HEY PEOPLES!!!

Yeah yea yea i havent written in a while, BUT, i just want to redirect you to my new blog, because, well, it's more explanatory than this blog, its a bit sad at times, BUT, i hope you find it inspiring :)
here's the link:
http://allhailthealmightyassholandhiscohorts.blogspot.com/


if it doesnt work it should show up on my profile. i dunno it should work.

Me. Ah, me. Terribly confused and fucked up.

I'm not hungry. I'm not happy. I am confused. I am missing you terribly. Why does life have to be like this? Touching up on my friend Joushua's post... Everyone has their own demons. The parts of themselves where they desperately try to get rid of their demons but, are constantly being pulled back.Whether it's addiction... Or parents being assholes leading to you being miserable... Or if it's having problems with hurting yourself... Or depression...  Everyone has their own demons. No one will ever be perfect. Perfect is the unattainable goal that everyone has. The perfect job, perfectly behaved children, so on and so forth. HOWEVER. Perfect. Sucks. It's so boring? Wouldn't you rather be all you and have fun and get through the ups and downs in your life with your loved one than never have any ups and downs at all? There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. NO SUCH THING. So why don't you all shut the fuck up and be happy with your life. Oh snapple people. You all want to be perfect. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT. ONLY UNATTANABLE. 

Support. Josh. Ann. Kecia. Spencer.

WELL. Obviously this post is about very very very important things. First thing I have to say: This post is going to be separated by the people it's about. In no particular order. All the people are SUPER FANTABULOUS! And very very, supportive. FIRSTLY. Josh. I met (well... Talked to) Josh about... uhm, a few months ago. He's been super fun to talk to, and crazy awesome. He's like the awesome older brother I never got to have :) Kecia. I LOVE YOU SIS!!!! You've been awesome to talk to, and I trusted you from the first time I talked to you, and there have only been about three people that I've ever had that kind of connection to, and one of them is you! And, it took me awhile, but, I have asked you some seriously tmi but personal stuff, and told you about all the stuff with my family, and some of the stuff with me. Spencer. I loves you!!!!! We've been through so many ups and downs, and dated uhm... A bunch of times. I figured out when we first started dating! November 21st or 22nd. I went through all the messages from myspace. I don't care if dad disowns me, I'll marry you. I want to. So badly. ANNMARIE. That. Fight. SUCKED RONALD MCDONALD'S BALLS LIKE BRIDGET BASS DOES. I remember that joke well. ;P And, I'm sure that right now, Bridget Bass. Is on her knees. Which is the grossest thing to ever think of or picture so I'm going to move on before I die of grossness. Anywhore, letus hopeus the rumors stop. Otherwise we have some bitches to curb stomp. Lol jkjkjkjk. Dude. Tomorrow. Hanging out. You. Help. Me. Babysit. NOW. Bloggers who read this, this post is incredibly random and doesn't really make any sense but, let me say this: these four people are awesome and I love them all. They're all incredibly awesome in their own ways, and Josh and Ann and Kecia are the BEST FAMILY EVER and Spencer you're the best fiance in the world :)

Rawrawrawr! More inspiring-ed-ness<--- is that even a word?

SO. Ann and I are friends again. It started, with me talking to her because I promised Spencer I'd patch up. AND then I had Spencer tell her to text me, and we just totally picked up where we left off. We BOTH each had a Shift. CRAZY. But, crazy awesome, beCAUSE I has my friend back! Which is awesome! I went to work today! And I made about a hundred dollars today :) Awesomeness! I get paid on monday. I want to see him...

ADVENTURES ON LSD #3: NeverLand

So, Harry the Unicorn was driving me and James the Fucking Pixie, off to where-ever, he wouldn't tell us. AND THEN. In the car Harry passed back a bottle to James, and James said: "Wtf is this?" Harry said he had got it at a store. And, this confused me, I looked at the bottle and said:"What store sells 'Lysergic acid diethylamide?" Harry said he didn't know. That some guy said he made it special and it was a hallucinogen and that we were gonna have a wild trip. James looked at the bottle and said: "THIS SHIT HAS KETAMINE IN IT??? DUDE. That's fucking cat laughing gas!!!" Harry shrugged and said: "Try it. Both of you. I dare you." So we popped us both a pill. AND... EVERYTHING'S SO FUCKING GREEN!!!! IT'S LIKE WE'RE INSIDE A LIME!!!!! James and I scream. And, then.. "HOLY SHIT I'M COVERED IN CATS!!! AND... I'M A SUPERHERO!!!!!!!" We jumped away from the car and the cats, and we went to NEVERLAND! And. We. Met. PETER PAN! And we reaquainted ourselves with JESUS'S NINJA FAIRY ANGEL ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!!! And.... WE SAW JESUS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! And then... NARWAHLS CAPTURED US!And started TORTURING US AND MAUHLING US!!! IT WENT ON FOR hours!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AND. THEN NYAN CAT AND JESUS SAVED US!!!!! And then, we woke up in the car, covered in cats. And zombies. And narwahl parts.

Again.... Ann.... Drama....

OKAY, so, apparently, Ann apologized to Spencer. About ALL the shit that's happened. I highly doubt that I'm going to believe her bullshit. And here we go again... Great. I'm in a bad mood now. Just a grrr mood. OKAY. Spencer sent me the whole conversation. And just, wow. She didn't know all the damage she did, but now she does. The drama is back to Hayleyville. And I am not happy about it.I thought Ann was out of my life. Uh huh uh huh. Y'no. I can tell you this for sure, Spencer handled the situation so. Much. Better. Than. I would've. Hahaha I would've gone to her house and screamed my head off, or worse, told her parents everything. I'm in a hater mood.I'll keep you guys posted on Hayley in DramaCity

I am NEVER EVER asking Dad about anything. EVER AGAIN.

OKAY, so: ARTICLE A: Tristia and I decided me, her, Christian, and Spencer should do another couples thing again. ARTICLE B: Tristia said we should go to the fair on August 5th. And I said, Sure! Sounds awesome. ARTICLE C: Spencer's grandma said yes, Mom said she had No Problem With Me Going. ARTICLE D: I decided that I should let Dad know, so I told him the situation, TOLD THE TRUTH, well... Sort of. I said Spencer might be there. Dad said he had lots of time to think about it. COME ON!!! SO. Now, I am never ever EVER asking dad about anything ever again. Because, this always happens. Like with bowling. Dad and I argued for an HOUR. The day OF when the bowling dealio was set up. I did get to go, but, Mom said it was fine. Dad decided Mom's word didn't count. Like he just did. AND, I even told him, Mom. Said. It. Wasn't. A. Problem. The biggest thing I needed from Dad was money. To get in, for food, and for tickets, and miscellaneous other things. SO, now I have to wait. For another TWO WEEKS. Until, dad MIGHT give me: Money, a Yes/No, and a ride.  

Insomnia.

Cheers! To everyone like me, who is up until four in the morning, and asleep til two in the afternoon. BUT, right now, I need some suggestions. Because i'm running out of things to do when I can't sleep. Listening to music, it just kind of freaks me out, because i get paranoid when I'm alone. In the dark. Obviously, something is going to come out and kill me. There's that, and I have nothing to do that  isn't really quiet so I don't wake up the house. In the past few days, I have: texted Spencer and Manda in the middle of the night, exercised, written letters, read books, gone on the computer. And, mostly. Just missed Spencer. AND, I've had some crazy nightmares. You could say I've had a few strange nights. So, I would reeeaaally appreciate suggestions on what to do since, I have nothing original to do. 

Music. Shtuff. Insomnia.

I very clearly remember mentioning having insomnia before. Today however. I was up until a little while after four am, then kinda drifted in half-sleep for a while, then went out like a rock. I was out cold. Lucky me. Since I couldn't sleep, I listening to DJ s3rl's song Addict. And this part of the song I have nearly memorized: 

"Flip it, pop it, take it, drop it
Cut it, whack it, snort it, jack it
Light it, smoke it, puff it, choke it
Boot it, shoot it, don't dilute it
Flip it, pop it, take it, drop it
Cut it, whack it, snort it, jack it
Light it, smoke it, puff it, choke it
Up your nose, here we go!" 
It's not most politically friendly song. BUT, IT'S FRICKEN AWESOME!!!! I know this cuz since last night I have listened to it about a million times. On insomnia, I have been up for about an hour, and am immensely tired.  Like, when people have depression they don't have the motivation to do things right? I'm almost about that tired.If I could I'd drink about twelve NOS's or take amphetamines. There's something I'd like to share with you though. Does anyone remember old fashioned diet pills? The ones that first came out. For a long time diet pills were made with amphetamines. They got you on a high, and made you less hungry, and they got you high as in, you could exercise for hours. So, they worked. BUT, does anyone notice the word amphetamine in methamphetamine? See, drug makers would take diet pills and take the amphetamines out of the pill and use it to make meth. SO, the U.S. banned diet pills with amphetamines in it. It was that crazy bad. Now, I was standing in Wally World yesterday night, with my parents and Meg and PJ my younger sisters, and we were in the vitamin section. I walked up to the diet pills and carefully inspected the ingredient section of several different diet pills. Nope. No amphetamines. Which is probably why diet pills DON'T WORK. Have you ever seen someone on meth? They are scary skinny. Worse than anorexic models. They have the double whammy of amphetamines making them freak out and being all high and can't sit still, and not wanting to eat. I know all this because I wanted to know more about anorexia for I book I am currently writing, and the book I found in the school library is called ANOREXIA AND DRUGS. I can see why they have to add the AND DRUGS bit. But, it was really mostly just about meth. I think they should've called it: Methamphetamine, and Anorexia. I also found out that the clinical name for anorexia is anorexia nervosa. Funny how diet pills went from a quick way for people to get skinnier, to helping anorexics get even more scary skinnier, to drug dealers making methamphetamines. Well, back to something funner. I am working on another ADVENTURES ON LSD for you guys. And James and I are going to NEVER LAND!!! To meet Peter Pan, and visit Jesus's grave. But, there's gonna be a bit of a... Crazy end to it. So, keep checking, I'll post it up in an hour or so.

Facebook. Blogging. Birthdays.

Herro! Okay, so, on facebook, my birthday is today! Happy birthday to me. Dadadadadadada! NOW. My real birthday is September 19th. Crazily enough, Cameron's birthday. Everyone remember Cameron? RECAP: Cameron. Cameron Bennett. Spencer's little brother. Cam is in Texas. Cameron is a cool dude from what I've heard. SO, all day, and I mean all day. I've been getting texts from facebook from people posting on my wall HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and so on. Around nine am my phone was buzzing. NON STOP. And, see, we were up at Jeff and Jen's last night, so OF COURSE I was home around one. And was up until sometime after two am, playing video games or as I said to Manda: I was having some: VIDEO GAMAGE! Eventually I had to go cuz there was this one guy I was trying to beat. Btw, I've been playing POKEMON MYSTERY RED DUNGEON! And, I was at Mt Blaze trying to beat this one crazy asshole motherf*****! It took me about two hours to beat him! Now, I'm in the Frosty Grotto trying to get past these guys that NONE of my cool moves work on. PLUS I have no reviver seeds, okay okay video game dork I know I know.Anywho, back to facebook.It's really quite sad. People will believe most anything they see on facebook. Like my birthday being today. Even friends of mine that used to know when my birthday is believed it. Fail. Now, onto Blogging. I like blogging much better than facebook and myspace. I've said this before. But, I want to go more into depth. On facebook you just put up your age, and where you live and so on. People already know all about you. You can't go and let people get to know you. Because they already know. You must agree with me, that's no fun. How can you get to really know someone if you don't talk to them, whether it's by texting, over the phone, online chat, video chat, or in person? What happened to when you were in elementary school, and when you wanted to get to know someone you went up to the person and talked to them? You didn't friend them on facebook. Or ask your friend to talk to them and have them tell that guy you liked them. You told them yourself. Something strange has happened to the world. People are getting more and more shy.And it's sad. As a little kid, you'd go up to any person you wanted who was your age and you would talk to them and say your name and one of you most favorite things. I kinda miss that. There was no nervousness. When I was in kindergarten girls chased boys cuz we thought it was funny. Now, boys chase girls because they want to have sex with you. It's really rare in high school to find a girl who simply asks you out, and stays with you. And gets to know you, and watches you as you get taller, and skinnier and you grow up. And then says he knows who he wants to marry. You don't see that anymore. Yeah, arranged marriages suck. And I'm glad they are on the kibosh here in America. Moving back along, why can't people just talk to each other? In person. Without all this shyness? I know people who are naturally shy. Alex is. I sort of am. Spencer is. I like meeting new people. That's why public school is so cool. You're with other kids. And, online school is kind of stupid. I can see how useful it is, when you and your mom both have to work to try and feed a family of ten. I get that. Or, when you have to work to pay for your own kid. That I fully understand. Online college too. Like, when you have three kids and you have to go back to school cuz you're about several months from losing your house. But, I kind of agree with my mom, I don't have to have a facebook. I could completely live without  one. I definitely am gonna talk to my kids when they ask to have one. I mean, why have things you don't need? Think about that every now and again.

The Rumor Mill. High School. And People Suck.

Yeah, I promised you guys, I'd tell you about the rumors. People suck. I am the loyal girlfriend. The rumors started with me just being a whore. They went and turned into me making out with other guys while me and Spencer dated. Then, rumors went around to me apparently making out with a girl I know. Liz Bryant. Yeah. People suck. It wouldn't surprise me if once school comes round, people will be saying, I'm having sex with people. When, obviously, I'm not like that. I mean, I have a boyfriend. And I love him. I have no idea what the rumor mill will turn up next. But, it's probably gonna suck.

These. Pictures. Are. BADASS!

These pictures are awesome. 

 My lil sis, Alisa

 Right. Above. Chase.
Left. Damien.

Right. My grandma Mo.

 Above. Kecia.
To the left we have every
crybaby ever. 

 Above. Moi! 
Right. Thats just
awesome.

Above. Paige. 

To the right.

Spencer. My love! <3

Jesus. Are you listening? Is the thing I'm best at fucking up? Or am I just confused?

I have fucked up. Once again. And I feel like shit. I hate making him mad. Because then I feel bad. I might as well let him calm down. Things always, and trust me, I mean always go wrong when one of us is mad at the other. And I mean it, I feel terrible. I don't feel like going onto facebook when I'm upset, I mean why? To just sit there and feel worse and worse? That's the thing about facebook. It gets so pointless!  If I  want to be an inspiring person, I'm going to do it on a blog. Where every one can see my words. There's no point to facebook. It's just gonna turn into myspace. See, I like blogs much much better. Any one can follow your blog, and you have the space to write all you want. I'm pretty sure you could write a book in one post. No one can kick you off either. You have the ability to write anything you want. On facebook you can get kicked off easily. Same with myspace. I know this because Spencer got kicked off of facebook. What's the point of just sitting around online not really talking to anyone and getting caught up in online drama/bullshit? I mean really, I have been in more drama on facebook than in real life. I mean really! What's the point? I keep getting wrapped up in people's bullshit drama. Then, I'll post up something and get a ton of comments and have to not comment because I know that the comment that was put up was gonna make me start drama. No. Thank. You. There have been quite a few times that I have wanted to just delete my facebook account altogether. It's really not worth the drama. More to the point, all the bullshit with Ann happened on there, and from that went Ann trying to bitch me out online. Then her just talking shit about me. Which turned into people spreading rumors.And so, now, I don't give a flying pig's ass. People can say what they want, call me a poser, call me a whore, none of it's true. All the people saying these utterly disgusting lies(it really is bad I'll explain in the next post or two), obviously they have nothing better to do than spread the things that even Jesus would've gone up to that person, glared at them, and bitch slapped them. I have amazing, wonderful friends. And, a boyfriend, who I can trust with everything, and who's been there for me since I met him. You could say I lead a charmed life, I have some smarts, am a brilliant landscape designer, have a wonderful love, and great friends. I guess the epilepsy and polymicrogyria sort of make my life more interesting. They sure make me having kids a bit more scary, but, for now, I'm going to focus on being a teenager, and try to stop worrying about keeping my kids having the polymicrogyria and epilepsy and just worry about my love. Spencer. And focus on making it to five years of dating. On and off but, no relationship is absolutely perfect.

Things are going downhill.

Yeah, there will be no picnics tomorrow for me. Because my dad and mom aren't able to trust me at all, and don't ask me anything. At. All. This is really starting to piss me off. They didn't even ask me the details like when: Spencer's grandma said one. And she said yes. They didn't even ask me where: his front yard. Or over by the lake. I'm pissed off and upset all at once. And I miss him like crazy. I'm already miserable. Because of them. And things just got worse. Just. Come. On! They don't trust me at all. The don't listen to me. All dad heard was Spencer. And then he said: NO. This is really getting annoying! I don't want things to be like last summer where I saw him twice. So far, I've seen him what? Three times? This is so stupid! I might as well just explain the situation to Sally and ask her to take me. Sally likes Spencer. And she knows how I feel with all the negativity and bullshit and zero compliments I get from Dad. She's gotten it for a lot longer than I have. Fuck! The last compliment I got from dad was... I... I don't know. And this is one of those times where I think I'm about to cry and I can't tell anyone about it. Kecia's working, so texting her is on the kibosh. I really need someone to talk to. AND right as I feel like shit, and need someone to talk to, I get a random text. From a girl asking for me. In all caps. I think today is looking up. SO! Let's get POSITIVE!!!!!!! No more being a downer! Imma be lookin' on the brightside! Like this lovely bright yellow text :) >.< Hahaha have a good day fellow peoples!

Hmmm.... I wonder....

SO, it's been a while since I've written on my blog. Stuff has happened. Liiike, going to the mall and the movies with my love and my aunt and Alisa. The mall was freaking awesome! I got Domo headphones :)Ahh I wish we could have been out and about longer. All in all it was fun. And I fell asleep on his shoulder on the way home :) which was nice

Herro!

Heyyy It's been a while party people! And stuff has happened in Hayleyville! Like, I have decided to make a cartoon of the ADVENTURES ON LSD #2. AND ITS GONNA BE AMAZING! i gotta do stuffs first to make it perfect THEN upload it and so on. Lol. 

I DESIGNED THIS!!!!

 Like Spencer said, I have found my calling!

Cheers to the phrmaceutical world. And fuck my life.

Thank you, America's pharmaceutical companies, for manufacturing Lemictal (lamotrigine), and Trileptal (oxcarbezepine). They are counter-reacting against each other and really freaking the fuck out of my body. It's either, I crash at eleven pm. Or am awake until two am. Cheers! Your lovely drugs have made me extraordinarily, intensely easily carsick. They also have made it so it gets to the point where at some points in time I'm so fucking dizzy that I'm swaying as though I've had eight bottles of vodka. Yeah, and more to the point, I get so tired at some points, that I can't move. I am not fucking shitting you! I am tired, of being tired. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of throwing up because of an electrolyte imbalance and because you Trileptal takes out massive amounts of sodium from my body! But, I can't ditch my medicine and go for the herbal bullshit. Because its bullshit. Horseshit! I have taken Trileptal since I was seven years old. Hell, I never fucking asked to have polyfuckingmicrogyria and epilepsy! I never asked for that at all! Personally, I'd rather just have the polymicrogyria, and ditch the goddamn epilepsy. I can't drink to get drunk, I can't take acetinaminophen aka midol, tylenol, bayer, etc. No, because the medicines you have me on, go through my liver, and are probably destroying my liver. So, why did I drink about a quarter of a bottle of vodka and get drunk? Because, all of this isnt fair. I am fucking fifteen! I shouln't be looking at having kids and wondering whether or not I switch medicines so I don't hurt my kid! Is it fair? Is it fair for me to be constantly worried about if what I eat has enough sodium to take back what the Trileptal takes out? Is it fair for me to have to go through mood swings, and recklessness because of your drug? No. It's not. Whether its the Trileptal or the Lemictal it still has the possibility of hurting any children I have. DOn't tell me: "Why not adopt?"  "You could be a foster parent."  No! No! No! No! I want, a baby I made. That's part me. Not some baby who was abandoned. I keep on worrying about money too. About how much a fucking genetic counselor costs. This isn't fair to me, and it's particularly not fair to Spencer. He shouldn't have to worry about me having a seizure, or how much having a baby's gonna cost us, and all this horse shit!! It's not fair. So, cheers, Pharmaceutical companies of America, for taking six hundred dollars out of my pocket every month for 150 300mg concoctions.

I GOT NEW SHOES!!! and they're awesome!

Last night I was SUPPOSED to got on a SUPER SECRET SPY MISSION and get my mom's camera and get some pics of me in mah bikini top, BUT a lovely awesome amazing boy distracted me :) SO, I didn't get mom's camera OR take the pictures. BUT. Now, I have two pairs of new shoes, SO, I need to take pics of me, in my shorts AND bikini top, wearing mah new shoesez! BUT. I have to go and GET mom's camera and do a buncha shtuff so I don't really want to... but people should see how cool my shoes and bikini are :( OKAY FINE. HA. I'll be back :) with awesome pics!

3 pills in the morning, 4 at night. Banks Lake, and seeing Spencer Bennett.

As of yesterday, I now take two Trileptal, and one Lemictal in the morning. And three Trileptal, and one Lemictal at night. Cheers! To the American pharmaceutical companies for pumping my system with anti-seizure medication!!! Cuz it fucking works like magic. It kinda sucks though cuz I have trouble going to sleep, and trouble waking up. It sucks. I know my medicine has been doing this because, well, I'M taking the medicine aren't I? Unless, I'm hallucinating but, when a person's hallucinating they don't think about whether they're hallucinating... ANYWAYS. BANKS LAKE WAS AMAZING! Missing Spencer sucked but for the most part I texted him for over four hours one day and I called him and just talked which was nice, I also hung out with my baby cousin "Bo" Bennett Oliver Becher. Now, did you notice that Bo's first name is Spencer's last name? I did, when I found out that they named him Bennett I kinda went "uhm, is this some sort of sign?" then promptly dismissed it. I also got to hang out with Shaylee, who knows Spencer as "cousin Spencer" and he calls her Shay, like I do, and our whole family does. Which is awesomness incarnate because now, Shay knows him, and he knows all about her, which makes them meeting easier. I got to drive the new boat, and it's almost like driving a car, only with less multi tasking. Ahhh I can't wait to see Spencer again! I haven't seen him since last thursday but, i still miss him like crazy! So, me n him are gonna talk to my dad about going swimming at the lost lake pool sometime. I dont know when, I just hope me n Spencer talk to dad soon.

Hmm... Lol :) Bowling!

Yesterday was amazing! Me and Tristia, and Christian, and Spencer have to do that again! I had so much. Fun. At first I totally FAILED at bowling, the whole first game was bleck. I think I got 15 total that first game. Christian and Spencer kept going "Roll the ball!" And I'd turn around and kinda glare at them. And, then, the second game was AWESOME. I did a ton better. Another thing, I DO NOT DO DRUGS. Yes, I take Trileptol, and Lemictal, BUT it is prescribed for me. Anywaaays, it was awesome, and after bowling we went over to dairy queen and me n Tristia got cookie dough blizzards and christian got a chicken basket thing, its funny, both Spencer and I were broke afterwards, it was awesome, then we over to Heritage Park and ran into this HUGE ASS field! Through a lot of the field the grass is taller than me almost. Spencer and I hung back and Tristia and  Christian went on and we met up with them when Spencer's grandma came to take us both home. Overall, after managing to change the subject enough on dad to keep from getting into massive trouble and ending in an agreement to be more truthful, I am in zip trouble, have my phone, and had a brilliant day. :) Btw Spencer, all those cosmic brownies are gone, all that's left is the mountain dew, and I love you :)

ADVENTURES ON LSD #2: The Journey, and The Shift

SO, I was jus' sitting there, going on and on and on about the Shift to James and he was all whoa whoa whoa DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE PRESHIFT YOU?!?!?! And, he was SUPER EXCITED cuz he knows that I can tell a really cool story on acid, and so it starts like this: Once, there was a little girl, and she was about five foot four n a half, and she set off on a Journey, on her journey she met lots of people, fairies, and pixies and narwahls. But, a little ways into her Journey, she was about almost two years into her Journey, she got messed up D: and started to hurt herself. And all of the new people she had met kept asking her what was wrong, all she knew was that she was unhappy. So, under the advice of her parents, she strayed off her path and went to see the GURU OF HELP, and she and the GURU talked for quite some time. And, she learned a lot, and did as the GURU told her to do, then, she started on her Journey again.And she was great and fine, and met more new people. Or, one person in particular. She met a boy. His name was Spencer. He was unlike any person she had ever met on her Journey. They became friends, and soon fell in love. They were happy as can be. For months they were the perfect couple, he was her first kiss, and she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him. BUT. Then, in the spring of the third year of her Journey, she fell back down. She was hurting herself again. She and Spencer broke up, but, we still in love, and still were very close. He helped her as much as he could, and during the summer, she was sitting down with him on his grandparents' porch and, he made her better :) They, got back together, and he came with her on her Journey, they went through more ups and downs. But, they loved each other more and more everyday. One day, they met a narwahl. Named Ann. The girl and Ann were very very close friends. The girl was starving herself though. And Spencer was more worried about her than ever before. Sometime in December they broke up again. An stayed broken up for a little while. And, she got better, she started eating and gained back enough weight and she was healthy :D And, in January they got back together! And stayed together, and yes, they were more and more in love, and he accompanied her on her Journey. Then, nearing the end of the fourth spring of her Journey, her narwahl friend betrayed her. She was starting to feel replaced by Ann in Spencer's heart, and she hung out with her best friend Paige more and noticed, how Paige treated her better than Ann did. After a fight, she decided that no, she didn't want to be friends with Ann anymore. After some more fighting, she removed Ann from her life entirely, BUT. Ann started calling her names, and not being nice to her at all. And, Ann kept asking Spencer why he didn't break up with her. Now, the little girl was not happy. So, she told Ann to stop. And, since Ann didn't stop. Rumors started to go around the towns she stayed in. Nasty rumors. Rumors that she was cheating on Spencer. They got into a few big fights over this and broke up. Then, while she was desperate to make amends.She talked to Spencer, and they talked for a long long time, and they made up. The girl went through a Shift, after not being friends with Ann. She was happier, stronger, more confident, and happy with her body. She didn't want to die, KNEW FOR SURE she was NOT going to start hurting herself, or starve herself. She was at peace, and still with Spencer. AND, falling more in love with him, every day. And, this girl, is Hayley Kathleen Moses. And she is still on her Journey, but, she has some peace of mind.  OMFG BEST STORY EVER! Did she did she like EVER FIGHT ANYONE like BAM! I punched you in the face bitch! type fighting?And I was all JAMES JAMES!!!! Dude. the girl is ME. And he was all.. WHOA. HOW COME I HAVENT MET THIS ANN CHICK!And I shrugged and went I dunno... HOLY FUCK NYAN CAT IS BACK FROM THE DEAD! The End(for now at least) 

Here's a song for the one who stole my heart :)

Hmmmyhmm. Tell me you want me to stay cuz heaven can wait :) i love that song! I'm thinking about my Shift. And the preShift me. Here, I'll put it in a list of songs if I can. PreShift: Because Of You- Nickelback, Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback,Waiting- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Getting Better: Love Like Woe- The Ready Set, Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Shift:Young Forever- The Ready Set, On The Brightside- Never Shout Never! That's as best as I can describe it without it being a REALLY REALLY LONG SCARY STORY. OR... I KNOW! Get ready for more ADVENTURES ON LSD :)

CAPSLOCK DAY IN MEMORY OF BILLY MAYS

I LOVE BILLY MAYS INFOMERCIALS!!!! HE WAS ALWAYS YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA I DID FIND OUT LATER THAT HE WAS USING COKE. MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE WAS STOKED ABOUT HIS COMMERCIALS AND SO SURE THIS PRODUCT WAS SO SUPER AWESOME AND TOTALLY WORKED!!! I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS THOUGH! EVERYONE SHOULD PARTICIPATE!

I am a lazy crazy lady!

I redid my blog. AGAIN. No, this isn't going to be frequent, I did it at first because I was having trouble reading the comments. SO, I changed the color and I decided to change things up and make it look EVEN BETTER. And, I like it, it looks super rad! There are even MORE colors, and I can use lighter colors like this one. so, my blog is super cool now, and I like it, and I don't feel so icky anymore. I did not throw up today, I slept in waaaay late, but, I feel good, and I got to talk to my Guardian Angel until before I fell asleep, which made my day special. I know, I'm just fifteen, but, I keep thinking about three or four years from now, when I get to walk down the aisle to him :) That, is going to be the most perfect day of my life! A simple  deep green dress, that's flattering, and falls to my knees, and thinking of a wedding that's on the day that we first started dating :) Absolutely perfect :) And romantic, and wonderful :)

I feel Icky...

I feel icky. Really icky. Cuz, I threw up... And I need a hug... And, sadly, the boy of my dreams is four miles away. Which sucks, cuz I like his hugs best. Ahhh, my head hurts, and I could use a nice nap in his arms. Which, would be amazing. 

Okay, guys, give us women some credit.

EVERY guy knows that once a month a woman has her period. But, what he doesn't know is HOW MUCH PERIOD CRAMPS FUCKING HURT.Almost all guys have been kicked in the balls. Take that pain, and think of it lasting for about three to seven days.Also, things you didn't know, besides for the cramps, and women being cranky, we sometimes get anemic from blood loss or feel like we're going to throw up, also, we get bloated, and we feel like scum. Don't forget... We carry your children around for nine months. We endure morning sickness aka more throwing up, then child birth. Which is cramps, times a million, pushing a heavy bony object from our vagina, and losing more blood, but gaining a child. We deal with a lot, so be nice when our wife/fiance/girlfriend is on her period. Give her something she loves, midol, and be cool about her being a lil cranky and SHE WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Medication

One thing about the meds I'm on that I really hate is I can't take aspirin. So, if I am in WRITHING UNAUDULTERATED PAIN I must consume massive amounts of Advil. Which uhm, doesn't work very well. Yeah, good part about my meds is they keep me from having seizures. Bad part I just can't take aspirin FML

ADVENTURES ON LSD

So, I was just chilling on facebook when all of a sudden, NYAN CAT COMES FLYING OUT OF THE COMPUTER. And Harry the Unicorn is all tweakin' out in the corner going: "HOLY SHIT SHIT SHAT!!! ITS THE FUCKING TAC NAYN(tack nine)!!!!!" Then, James the Fucking Pixie is all going "WAMO! ITS THE NYAN CAT DUDE! YOU"RE SO FUCKING STUPID!" Then, Nyan CAt picked me up and then a magical walrus ATE NYAN CAT!!!!!! AND ME N JAMES STARTED SCREAMING AND WRITHING IN PAIN!!! because nyan cat was our pal... THEN, THE WALRUS STARTED MAULING US!! AND WE WERE SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND GOING "HOLY FUUUUCCCCKK!!! I DONT WANNA DIE!" Then, the craziest shit happened! Me n James saw Jesus. And these crazy ass ninja fairy angel ZOMBIES were carrying him on a coffin!!!!! And Jesus gave us some KETAMINE!!!!!! and we were all, thanks maaan!!! and then we each toked up and we were ALL CRAZY ASS SCREAMING AND UP AND ABOUT FOR DAYS!!!! and and then. Jesus. DISAPPEARED. And we thought it was the ZOMBIE APOCALYSPE AND WE WERE SCREAMING CUZ OUR UNICORN WAS BEING MAULED BY THE FUCKING NINJA FAIRY ANGEL ZOMBIES!!! and and we found out.. THEY ATE JESUS!!! Then, we died. and god made us come back to life. It was scary man. 

Heaven Can Wait

That's an amazing song! It's by We The Kings. And I seriously recommend listening to it. If you're in love you'll understand what they're talking about. OR you could listen to Young Forever by The Ready Set and dance about and be all yeah!! Like me! I mean, the song is just.. BADASS!!! It's got a really good just, everything! I LOVE IT! Hey hey we'll be young forever... Hahaha Yes, I think I have something in mind for my LSD stories: ADVENTURES ON LSD hahaha It's funny cause honestly, I just have a pretty good imagination, and have talked to people who have done LSD so yes, I know how to make A PERFECT LSD STORY. I think I'll bring Harry the Unicorn along with me to NEVERLAND the next time I go to see Maurise the Narwahl, Maurise asked me to tell Harry that Voldymart has one weakness. YES I AM A HARRY POTTER FAN. WOOT WOOT! Hahaha for all of you that are working today, I will create another LSD STORY to keep you entertained while you sit at work and do paperwork or have to deal with annoying people who are seriosuly stupid or very pissed off. DON'T WORRY WORKERS OF AMERICA I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR LAME ASS WORK DAYS THIS SUMMER! Seeing as there is no school to keep me from getting on the computer and creating funny things for you to read.  So, I have this one playlist on playlist.com and it's like, the coolest playlist EVER. NO SHITTING YOU. It's just... AWESOME! And, now: Love. I swear, I love him more and more every day! Like, it's like I fall in love with him all over again each and every day :) There are some perks to being madly in love! 

A General Gift Of Encouragement

Hmmm, moving on from my last post, I'm thinking of all the random times where I've been a motivating, encouraging and inspiring person. Huh. Well, I haven't been able to inspire myself yet. I can talk myself into getting out of bed early in the morning, and talk myself into being willing to take my meds and have a normal Hayley-day. That's the thing. There shouldn't be one standard for normal. Because, then, you have people who feel bad, cause they're going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of their life or if they're like me, and have to take five or six pills a day so they don't have a seizure. Or, if they have HIV and have to take ten or twelve pills a day. Every one has their own, very distinct personal normal. My normal, is getting up, and having to take two pills, then go through the next few hours a lil sick and dizzy, then just going through the day. Then, before I go to bed I take three more. Then, I generally text Spencer until I fall asleep. That's my normal. What's your normal? I think Josh is right, about having a gift of Encouragement. I don't know many people who can be inspiring, I just know that I am one of those few people. I guess, that all the people are right. I'm funny, and pretty, and smart, and good at making people feel better about themselves and life! I guess, that's a really good gift to have. Whether it's cheering up Spencer, and keeping him from running away, or wanting to die, or Nichelle, helping her realize everyone has a different normal. yeah, I guess I have a pretty cool gift. And I don't know where I'd be without Paige and Spencer and Kayla and all my adopted family. :) You guys mean a lot to me, even the newer members, like Alex, and Kecia and Josh.

You asked for all that was said and here you go...

Okay you wanted the whole convo, and here you have it: 

• • Hayley Moses: This has got to stop. You need to stop talking shit about me right now. And Kylee told me what you said to her at lunch. And do not say you have no idea what I'm talking about because you do. I'm not trying be mean. All of the rumors started with *you* and I am tired of people telling Spencer he should know things that "happened" that never happened. You *need to stop* you have taken this too far and I am done with it. I will not apologize to you. If anything you should be apologizing to *me* because of you I have gone from invisible to the school's biggest whore. Stop this, and this is the only time I'm going to tell you to stop nicely.
• 

  17 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • I have NOT been spreading rumors about you. YOU are the one who became a total bitch. YOU are the one who decided that you could treat everyone like crap and have everyone treat you well at the same time. What did I really do wrong, Hayley? YOU HURT ME. So much. You changed to the point where I didn't know you anymore. THAT'S why I couldn't trust you. And the whole thing you pulled with Shawn and the message full of lies? I was appalled that you would even try to break us up. I KNOW you are not that mean. You used to be so nice. But now, you are a wannabe raver. A poser. And you treat EVERYONE except Spencer like shit. So many people think you are mean, Hayley. You have no idea. And yes, things DID happen. You are DRAGGING HIM DOWN. He is an unhappy person because of the new you. The old you was better. I LIKED the old you just fine. This new you is mean, hypocritical, and untrustworthy. Once again, I haven't been spreading rumors about you. People see how you act and make assumptions. So. Don't speak to me again, K? I don't care about the new you at all. When the old you comes back, let me know. I miss her.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • I will no go back to the person I was. The old me hated herself, drank because she was unhappy, was unconfident, starved herself, was underweight, and wanted to die. Is that really the person you want me to be? Are you really that kind of person? Since I haven't been friends with you, Spencer got through to me. I am happy, confident, out going, and I don't hate myself anymore. If you are going to want me to be the person I was then you can go away and never speak to me again, Spencer agrees with this. And don't say he doesn't because he told me to avoid you as much as I can. Good bye and do not message back.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • Everyone changes, that is what high school is about. And I care about all the people I'm close to, I just happen to be in love with Spencer and care about him the most.
  • (However on this bit, my gma wrote this, and I don't think this and i kinda think she took it a bit far) I am sure you did like the "old" Hayley, the one was was insecure, the one who could so easily be manipulated, the one who was suckered into trusting someone as I trusted you. Yes, that was a far more convenient person for you to "like", or should I say something akin to someone you could play ugly little games on, as you did so often with me. Making a mockery of me. Like I was just some joke. You silly, shallow person. I am moving toward maturity and you would prefer to drag me back into an era that brought me unhappiness. No, no more. To me you simply are insignificant. And with this writing, I'm done.
• 

  18 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • Fine, you stuck up little girl. But let me tell you; I was at a party tonight where everyone knew you. All of them think the same way I do. What did I do to hurt you? You fail to answer that question. BUT. I know the answer. I DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING TO YOU. You are just looking for a scapegoat. Someone to blame. EVERYONE but Spencer sees that. Mike can't even stand you! You were once so close. Please, explain these 'ugly little games' I played with you. I didn't do anything to you. YOU did it to yourself. I researched your meds, and they can't make you a bitch; you do that on your own. You blame your problems on your meds, you friends, your sisters, EVERYONE but yourself. And that is a mark of extreme immaturity. And I don't want you to be unhappy and insecure. I want a combination of the old Hayley and the new Hayley. A happy, kindhearted person who could make me laugh and cheered me up when I was upset. The one I could tell everything to. The one I could share my writing with. Now, you have become a raver (and you have never even been to a rave), and you treat your friends like crap and have adopted new ones with questionable behavior. You do questionable things to fit in with them. You skip class or school altogether. You once said you wanted to get into Physics in college, and the way you are now, you will never get there. Or it will be extremely difficult. I know you say that I am such a horrible person and everything, but you could ask an awful lot of people what they think of me, and they most likely wouldn't say that they hated me. I try to be a good friend. I tried to be a good friend to you. But you began to push me away. And so I backed into the shadows to give you space. The next thing I knew, you were making snide comments to my face, hurting me. You were ignoring me, by ditching me at lunch with Spencer and not telling me why ( I don't believe that you were feeling anti social for a month). You flew off the handle with me for the littlest things. So I began to distrust you. I COULDN'T trust you; I wasn't going to go through that again. You have no idea how many people did the same thing you did and hurt me. NO IDEA. I wouldn't even mind the new Hayley so much if you were a kind person. But you AREN'T! You have become so mean. And I can tell because of that last message you sent me. You are cruel. And with that attitude... you will soon learn. Nobody likes it, and eventually, you will lose all of your friends.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Okay, There are quite a few fucked up things with what ann kept saying, one, missing the pre-Shift me. Now, that me, hated herself, and she says she misses the nice part of me from the pre-Shift me. Uhm... I wasn't very nice, I am actually nicer now. Secondly: she IS NOT Spencer. And she can't read him like I can. The bit she sees is Spencer worrying about me. And, I can read Spencer like a book, I know him top to bottom. She hasn't know him for even a year. I have known him for almost three years now. And from all the crap she's talked about me, he hates her now. 
    So, it's really her loss.  Amd after reading this, I don't think Ms. Tayon OR Mr. Wilfong will be very sympathetic with her. Seeing as she called me names and I didn't call her any names at all.