Thank you, America's pharmaceutical companies, for manufacturing Lemictal (lamotrigine), and Trileptal (oxcarbezepine). They are counter-reacting against each other and really freaking the fuck out of my body. It's either, I crash at eleven pm. Or am awake until two am. Cheers! Your lovely drugs have made me extraordinarily, intensely easily carsick. They also have made it so it gets to the point where at some points in time I'm so fucking dizzy that I'm swaying as though I've had eight bottles of vodka. Yeah, and more to the point, I get so tired at some points, that I can't move. I am not fucking shitting you! I am tired, of being tired. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of throwing up because of an electrolyte imbalance and because you Trileptal takes out massive amounts of sodium from my body! But, I can't ditch my medicine and go for the herbal bullshit. Because its bullshit. Horseshit! I have taken Trileptal since I was seven years old. Hell, I never fucking asked to have polyfuckingmicrogyria and epilepsy! I never asked for that at all! Personally, I'd rather just have the polymicrogyria, and ditch the goddamn epilepsy. I can't drink to get drunk, I can't take acetinaminophen aka midol, tylenol, bayer, etc. No, because the medicines you have me on, go through my liver, and are probably destroying my liver. So, why did I drink about a quarter of a bottle of vodka and get drunk? Because, all of this isnt fair. I am fucking fifteen! I shouln't be looking at having kids and wondering whether or not I switch medicines so I don't hurt my kid! Is it fair? Is it fair for me to be constantly worried about if what I eat has enough sodium to take back what the Trileptal takes out? Is it fair for me to have to go through mood swings, and recklessness because of your drug? No. It's not. Whether its the Trileptal or the Lemictal it still has the possibility of hurting any children I have. DOn't tell me: "Why not adopt?" "You could be a foster parent." No! No! No! No! I want, a baby I made. That's part me. Not some baby who was abandoned. I keep on worrying about money too. About how much a fucking genetic counselor costs. This isn't fair to me, and it's particularly not fair to Spencer. He shouldn't have to worry about me having a seizure, or how much having a baby's gonna cost us, and all this horse shit!! It's not fair. So, cheers, Pharmaceutical companies of America, for taking six hundred dollars out of my pocket every month for 150 300mg concoctions.
