A General Gift Of Encouragement

Hmmm, moving on from my last post, I'm thinking of all the random times where I've been a motivating, encouraging and inspiring person. Huh. Well, I haven't been able to inspire myself yet. I can talk myself into getting out of bed early in the morning, and talk myself into being willing to take my meds and have a normal Hayley-day. That's the thing. There shouldn't be one standard for normal. Because, then, you have people who feel bad, cause they're going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of their life or if they're like me, and have to take five or six pills a day so they don't have a seizure. Or, if they have HIV and have to take ten or twelve pills a day. Every one has their own, very distinct personal normal. My normal, is getting up, and having to take two pills, then go through the next few hours a lil sick and dizzy, then just going through the day. Then, before I go to bed I take three more. Then, I generally text Spencer until I fall asleep. That's my normal. What's your normal? I think Josh is right, about having a gift of Encouragement. I don't know many people who can be inspiring, I just know that I am one of those few people. I guess, that all the people are right. I'm funny, and pretty, and smart, and good at making people feel better about themselves and life! I guess, that's a really good gift to have. Whether it's cheering up Spencer, and keeping him from running away, or wanting to die, or Nichelle, helping her realize everyone has a different normal. yeah, I guess I have a pretty cool gift. And I don't know where I'd be without Paige and Spencer and Kayla and all my adopted family. :) You guys mean a lot to me, even the newer members, like Alex, and Kecia and Josh.

You asked for all that was said and here you go...

Okay you wanted the whole convo, and here you have it: 

• • Hayley Moses: This has got to stop. You need to stop talking shit about me right now. And Kylee told me what you said to her at lunch. And do not say you have no idea what I'm talking about because you do. I'm not trying be mean. All of the rumors started with *you* and I am tired of people telling Spencer he should know things that "happened" that never happened. You *need to stop* you have taken this too far and I am done with it. I will not apologize to you. If anything you should be apologizing to *me* because of you I have gone from invisible to the school's biggest whore. Stop this, and this is the only time I'm going to tell you to stop nicely.
• 

  17 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • I have NOT been spreading rumors about you. YOU are the one who became a total bitch. YOU are the one who decided that you could treat everyone like crap and have everyone treat you well at the same time. What did I really do wrong, Hayley? YOU HURT ME. So much. You changed to the point where I didn't know you anymore. THAT'S why I couldn't trust you. And the whole thing you pulled with Shawn and the message full of lies? I was appalled that you would even try to break us up. I KNOW you are not that mean. You used to be so nice. But now, you are a wannabe raver. A poser. And you treat EVERYONE except Spencer like shit. So many people think you are mean, Hayley. You have no idea. And yes, things DID happen. You are DRAGGING HIM DOWN. He is an unhappy person because of the new you. The old you was better. I LIKED the old you just fine. This new you is mean, hypocritical, and untrustworthy. Once again, I haven't been spreading rumors about you. People see how you act and make assumptions. So. Don't speak to me again, K? I don't care about the new you at all. When the old you comes back, let me know. I miss her.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • I will no go back to the person I was. The old me hated herself, drank because she was unhappy, was unconfident, starved herself, was underweight, and wanted to die. Is that really the person you want me to be? Are you really that kind of person? Since I haven't been friends with you, Spencer got through to me. I am happy, confident, out going, and I don't hate myself anymore. If you are going to want me to be the person I was then you can go away and never speak to me again, Spencer agrees with this. And don't say he doesn't because he told me to avoid you as much as I can. Good bye and do not message back.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • Everyone changes, that is what high school is about. And I care about all the people I'm close to, I just happen to be in love with Spencer and care about him the most.
  • (However on this bit, my gma wrote this, and I don't think this and i kinda think she took it a bit far) I am sure you did like the "old" Hayley, the one was was insecure, the one who could so easily be manipulated, the one who was suckered into trusting someone as I trusted you. Yes, that was a far more convenient person for you to "like", or should I say something akin to someone you could play ugly little games on, as you did so often with me. Making a mockery of me. Like I was just some joke. You silly, shallow person. I am moving toward maturity and you would prefer to drag me back into an era that brought me unhappiness. No, no more. To me you simply are insignificant. And with this writing, I'm done.
• 

  18 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • Fine, you stuck up little girl. But let me tell you; I was at a party tonight where everyone knew you. All of them think the same way I do. What did I do to hurt you? You fail to answer that question. BUT. I know the answer. I DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING TO YOU. You are just looking for a scapegoat. Someone to blame. EVERYONE but Spencer sees that. Mike can't even stand you! You were once so close. Please, explain these 'ugly little games' I played with you. I didn't do anything to you. YOU did it to yourself. I researched your meds, and they can't make you a bitch; you do that on your own. You blame your problems on your meds, you friends, your sisters, EVERYONE but yourself. And that is a mark of extreme immaturity. And I don't want you to be unhappy and insecure. I want a combination of the old Hayley and the new Hayley. A happy, kindhearted person who could make me laugh and cheered me up when I was upset. The one I could tell everything to. The one I could share my writing with. Now, you have become a raver (and you have never even been to a rave), and you treat your friends like crap and have adopted new ones with questionable behavior. You do questionable things to fit in with them. You skip class or school altogether. You once said you wanted to get into Physics in college, and the way you are now, you will never get there. Or it will be extremely difficult. I know you say that I am such a horrible person and everything, but you could ask an awful lot of people what they think of me, and they most likely wouldn't say that they hated me. I try to be a good friend. I tried to be a good friend to you. But you began to push me away. And so I backed into the shadows to give you space. The next thing I knew, you were making snide comments to my face, hurting me. You were ignoring me, by ditching me at lunch with Spencer and not telling me why ( I don't believe that you were feeling anti social for a month). You flew off the handle with me for the littlest things. So I began to distrust you. I COULDN'T trust you; I wasn't going to go through that again. You have no idea how many people did the same thing you did and hurt me. NO IDEA. I wouldn't even mind the new Hayley so much if you were a kind person. But you AREN'T! You have become so mean. And I can tell because of that last message you sent me. You are cruel. And with that attitude... you will soon learn. Nobody likes it, and eventually, you will lose all of your friends.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Okay, There are quite a few fucked up things with what ann kept saying, one, missing the pre-Shift me. Now, that me, hated herself, and she says she misses the nice part of me from the pre-Shift me. Uhm... I wasn't very nice, I am actually nicer now. Secondly: she IS NOT Spencer. And she can't read him like I can. The bit she sees is Spencer worrying about me. And, I can read Spencer like a book, I know him top to bottom. She hasn't know him for even a year. I have known him for almost three years now. And from all the crap she's talked about me, he hates her now. 
    So, it's really her loss.  Amd after reading this, I don't think Ms. Tayon OR Mr. Wilfong will be very sympathetic with her. Seeing as she called me names and I didn't call her any names at all. 

Huh. It must be the colors.

So, I went through my blog and looked at the comments and I didn't know so many people were following my blog! I was all, AWESOME!!!! And talking to Josh about it he said: Trust me, it's the colors. But, I mean that's just freaking awesome!!! I didn't realize my random meandering thoughts were so awesome to read. Hahaha. I mean, I've talked about SQUAIDS and drama, and breakups and getting back togethers, and unicorns and pretending to be on LSD and so on. Yeah, I guess it's fun to read :) Hahaha. So, corsets. I mean, the weird thing is, is that unless you're wearing a bra with it, or have GIGANTIC MONSTROUS boobs, they make your boobs look smaller. NO there will NOT be any pics. Just, *shudders* ahhh those kinds of pics are for my boyfriend only ;) Hahaha but yeah and Ladies, DO NOT WEAR A THICK PADDED BRA WHILE WEARING A CORSET. it hurts... But, a corset DOES corre t your posture. NO JOKE