Rawrawrawr! More inspiring-ed-ness<--- is that even a word?

SO. Ann and I are friends again. It started, with me talking to her because I promised Spencer I'd patch up. AND then I had Spencer tell her to text me, and we just totally picked up where we left off. We BOTH each had a Shift. CRAZY. But, crazy awesome, beCAUSE I has my friend back! Which is awesome! I went to work today! And I made about a hundred dollars today :) Awesomeness! I get paid on monday. I want to see him...

ADVENTURES ON LSD #3: NeverLand

So, Harry the Unicorn was driving me and James the Fucking Pixie, off to where-ever, he wouldn't tell us. AND THEN. In the car Harry passed back a bottle to James, and James said: "Wtf is this?" Harry said he had got it at a store. And, this confused me, I looked at the bottle and said:"What store sells 'Lysergic acid diethylamide?" Harry said he didn't know. That some guy said he made it special and it was a hallucinogen and that we were gonna have a wild trip. James looked at the bottle and said: "THIS SHIT HAS KETAMINE IN IT??? DUDE. That's fucking cat laughing gas!!!" Harry shrugged and said: "Try it. Both of you. I dare you." So we popped us both a pill. AND... EVERYTHING'S SO FUCKING GREEN!!!! IT'S LIKE WE'RE INSIDE A LIME!!!!! James and I scream. And, then.. "HOLY SHIT I'M COVERED IN CATS!!! AND... I'M A SUPERHERO!!!!!!!" We jumped away from the car and the cats, and we went to NEVERLAND! And. We. Met. PETER PAN! And we reaquainted ourselves with JESUS'S NINJA FAIRY ANGEL ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!!! And.... WE SAW JESUS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! And then... NARWAHLS CAPTURED US!And started TORTURING US AND MAUHLING US!!! IT WENT ON FOR hours!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AND. THEN NYAN CAT AND JESUS SAVED US!!!!! And then, we woke up in the car, covered in cats. And zombies. And narwahl parts.

Again.... Ann.... Drama....

OKAY, so, apparently, Ann apologized to Spencer. About ALL the shit that's happened. I highly doubt that I'm going to believe her bullshit. And here we go again... Great. I'm in a bad mood now. Just a grrr mood. OKAY. Spencer sent me the whole conversation. And just, wow. She didn't know all the damage she did, but now she does. The drama is back to Hayleyville. And I am not happy about it.I thought Ann was out of my life. Uh huh uh huh. Y'no. I can tell you this for sure, Spencer handled the situation so. Much. Better. Than. I would've. Hahaha I would've gone to her house and screamed my head off, or worse, told her parents everything. I'm in a hater mood.I'll keep you guys posted on Hayley in DramaCity

I am NEVER EVER asking Dad about anything. EVER AGAIN.

OKAY, so: ARTICLE A: Tristia and I decided me, her, Christian, and Spencer should do another couples thing again. ARTICLE B: Tristia said we should go to the fair on August 5th. And I said, Sure! Sounds awesome. ARTICLE C: Spencer's grandma said yes, Mom said she had No Problem With Me Going. ARTICLE D: I decided that I should let Dad know, so I told him the situation, TOLD THE TRUTH, well... Sort of. I said Spencer might be there. Dad said he had lots of time to think about it. COME ON!!! SO. Now, I am never ever EVER asking dad about anything ever again. Because, this always happens. Like with bowling. Dad and I argued for an HOUR. The day OF when the bowling dealio was set up. I did get to go, but, Mom said it was fine. Dad decided Mom's word didn't count. Like he just did. AND, I even told him, Mom. Said. It. Wasn't. A. Problem. The biggest thing I needed from Dad was money. To get in, for food, and for tickets, and miscellaneous other things. SO, now I have to wait. For another TWO WEEKS. Until, dad MIGHT give me: Money, a Yes/No, and a ride.  

Insomnia.

Cheers! To everyone like me, who is up until four in the morning, and asleep til two in the afternoon. BUT, right now, I need some suggestions. Because i'm running out of things to do when I can't sleep. Listening to music, it just kind of freaks me out, because i get paranoid when I'm alone. In the dark. Obviously, something is going to come out and kill me. There's that, and I have nothing to do that  isn't really quiet so I don't wake up the house. In the past few days, I have: texted Spencer and Manda in the middle of the night, exercised, written letters, read books, gone on the computer. And, mostly. Just missed Spencer. AND, I've had some crazy nightmares. You could say I've had a few strange nights. So, I would reeeaaally appreciate suggestions on what to do since, I have nothing original to do. 

Music. Shtuff. Insomnia.

I very clearly remember mentioning having insomnia before. Today however. I was up until a little while after four am, then kinda drifted in half-sleep for a while, then went out like a rock. I was out cold. Lucky me. Since I couldn't sleep, I listening to DJ s3rl's song Addict. And this part of the song I have nearly memorized: 

"Flip it, pop it, take it, drop it
Cut it, whack it, snort it, jack it
Light it, smoke it, puff it, choke it
Boot it, shoot it, don't dilute it
Flip it, pop it, take it, drop it
Cut it, whack it, snort it, jack it
Light it, smoke it, puff it, choke it
Up your nose, here we go!" 
It's not most politically friendly song. BUT, IT'S FRICKEN AWESOME!!!! I know this cuz since last night I have listened to it about a million times. On insomnia, I have been up for about an hour, and am immensely tired.  Like, when people have depression they don't have the motivation to do things right? I'm almost about that tired.If I could I'd drink about twelve NOS's or take amphetamines. There's something I'd like to share with you though. Does anyone remember old fashioned diet pills? The ones that first came out. For a long time diet pills were made with amphetamines. They got you on a high, and made you less hungry, and they got you high as in, you could exercise for hours. So, they worked. BUT, does anyone notice the word amphetamine in methamphetamine? See, drug makers would take diet pills and take the amphetamines out of the pill and use it to make meth. SO, the U.S. banned diet pills with amphetamines in it. It was that crazy bad. Now, I was standing in Wally World yesterday night, with my parents and Meg and PJ my younger sisters, and we were in the vitamin section. I walked up to the diet pills and carefully inspected the ingredient section of several different diet pills. Nope. No amphetamines. Which is probably why diet pills DON'T WORK. Have you ever seen someone on meth? They are scary skinny. Worse than anorexic models. They have the double whammy of amphetamines making them freak out and being all high and can't sit still, and not wanting to eat. I know all this because I wanted to know more about anorexia for I book I am currently writing, and the book I found in the school library is called ANOREXIA AND DRUGS. I can see why they have to add the AND DRUGS bit. But, it was really mostly just about meth. I think they should've called it: Methamphetamine, and Anorexia. I also found out that the clinical name for anorexia is anorexia nervosa. Funny how diet pills went from a quick way for people to get skinnier, to helping anorexics get even more scary skinnier, to drug dealers making methamphetamines. Well, back to something funner. I am working on another ADVENTURES ON LSD for you guys. And James and I are going to NEVER LAND!!! To meet Peter Pan, and visit Jesus's grave. But, there's gonna be a bit of a... Crazy end to it. So, keep checking, I'll post it up in an hour or so.

Facebook. Blogging. Birthdays.

Herro! Okay, so, on facebook, my birthday is today! Happy birthday to me. Dadadadadadada! NOW. My real birthday is September 19th. Crazily enough, Cameron's birthday. Everyone remember Cameron? RECAP: Cameron. Cameron Bennett. Spencer's little brother. Cam is in Texas. Cameron is a cool dude from what I've heard. SO, all day, and I mean all day. I've been getting texts from facebook from people posting on my wall HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and so on. Around nine am my phone was buzzing. NON STOP. And, see, we were up at Jeff and Jen's last night, so OF COURSE I was home around one. And was up until sometime after two am, playing video games or as I said to Manda: I was having some: VIDEO GAMAGE! Eventually I had to go cuz there was this one guy I was trying to beat. Btw, I've been playing POKEMON MYSTERY RED DUNGEON! And, I was at Mt Blaze trying to beat this one crazy asshole motherf*****! It took me about two hours to beat him! Now, I'm in the Frosty Grotto trying to get past these guys that NONE of my cool moves work on. PLUS I have no reviver seeds, okay okay video game dork I know I know.Anywho, back to facebook.It's really quite sad. People will believe most anything they see on facebook. Like my birthday being today. Even friends of mine that used to know when my birthday is believed it. Fail. Now, onto Blogging. I like blogging much better than facebook and myspace. I've said this before. But, I want to go more into depth. On facebook you just put up your age, and where you live and so on. People already know all about you. You can't go and let people get to know you. Because they already know. You must agree with me, that's no fun. How can you get to really know someone if you don't talk to them, whether it's by texting, over the phone, online chat, video chat, or in person? What happened to when you were in elementary school, and when you wanted to get to know someone you went up to the person and talked to them? You didn't friend them on facebook. Or ask your friend to talk to them and have them tell that guy you liked them. You told them yourself. Something strange has happened to the world. People are getting more and more shy.And it's sad. As a little kid, you'd go up to any person you wanted who was your age and you would talk to them and say your name and one of you most favorite things. I kinda miss that. There was no nervousness. When I was in kindergarten girls chased boys cuz we thought it was funny. Now, boys chase girls because they want to have sex with you. It's really rare in high school to find a girl who simply asks you out, and stays with you. And gets to know you, and watches you as you get taller, and skinnier and you grow up. And then says he knows who he wants to marry. You don't see that anymore. Yeah, arranged marriages suck. And I'm glad they are on the kibosh here in America. Moving back along, why can't people just talk to each other? In person. Without all this shyness? I know people who are naturally shy. Alex is. I sort of am. Spencer is. I like meeting new people. That's why public school is so cool. You're with other kids. And, online school is kind of stupid. I can see how useful it is, when you and your mom both have to work to try and feed a family of ten. I get that. Or, when you have to work to pay for your own kid. That I fully understand. Online college too. Like, when you have three kids and you have to go back to school cuz you're about several months from losing your house. But, I kind of agree with my mom, I don't have to have a facebook. I could completely live without  one. I definitely am gonna talk to my kids when they ask to have one. I mean, why have things you don't need? Think about that every now and again.

The Rumor Mill. High School. And People Suck.

Yeah, I promised you guys, I'd tell you about the rumors. People suck. I am the loyal girlfriend. The rumors started with me just being a whore. They went and turned into me making out with other guys while me and Spencer dated. Then, rumors went around to me apparently making out with a girl I know. Liz Bryant. Yeah. People suck. It wouldn't surprise me if once school comes round, people will be saying, I'm having sex with people. When, obviously, I'm not like that. I mean, I have a boyfriend. And I love him. I have no idea what the rumor mill will turn up next. But, it's probably gonna suck.

These. Pictures. Are. BADASS!

These pictures are awesome. 

 My lil sis, Alisa

 Right. Above. Chase.
Left. Damien.

Right. My grandma Mo.

 Above. Kecia.
To the left we have every
crybaby ever. 

 Above. Moi! 
Right. Thats just
awesome.

Above. Paige. 

To the right.

Spencer. My love! <3

Jesus. Are you listening? Is the thing I'm best at fucking up? Or am I just confused?

I have fucked up. Once again. And I feel like shit. I hate making him mad. Because then I feel bad. I might as well let him calm down. Things always, and trust me, I mean always go wrong when one of us is mad at the other. And I mean it, I feel terrible. I don't feel like going onto facebook when I'm upset, I mean why? To just sit there and feel worse and worse? That's the thing about facebook. It gets so pointless!  If I  want to be an inspiring person, I'm going to do it on a blog. Where every one can see my words. There's no point to facebook. It's just gonna turn into myspace. See, I like blogs much much better. Any one can follow your blog, and you have the space to write all you want. I'm pretty sure you could write a book in one post. No one can kick you off either. You have the ability to write anything you want. On facebook you can get kicked off easily. Same with myspace. I know this because Spencer got kicked off of facebook. What's the point of just sitting around online not really talking to anyone and getting caught up in online drama/bullshit? I mean really, I have been in more drama on facebook than in real life. I mean really! What's the point? I keep getting wrapped up in people's bullshit drama. Then, I'll post up something and get a ton of comments and have to not comment because I know that the comment that was put up was gonna make me start drama. No. Thank. You. There have been quite a few times that I have wanted to just delete my facebook account altogether. It's really not worth the drama. More to the point, all the bullshit with Ann happened on there, and from that went Ann trying to bitch me out online. Then her just talking shit about me. Which turned into people spreading rumors.And so, now, I don't give a flying pig's ass. People can say what they want, call me a poser, call me a whore, none of it's true. All the people saying these utterly disgusting lies(it really is bad I'll explain in the next post or two), obviously they have nothing better to do than spread the things that even Jesus would've gone up to that person, glared at them, and bitch slapped them. I have amazing, wonderful friends. And, a boyfriend, who I can trust with everything, and who's been there for me since I met him. You could say I lead a charmed life, I have some smarts, am a brilliant landscape designer, have a wonderful love, and great friends. I guess the epilepsy and polymicrogyria sort of make my life more interesting. They sure make me having kids a bit more scary, but, for now, I'm going to focus on being a teenager, and try to stop worrying about keeping my kids having the polymicrogyria and epilepsy and just worry about my love. Spencer. And focus on making it to five years of dating. On and off but, no relationship is absolutely perfect.

Things are going downhill.

Yeah, there will be no picnics tomorrow for me. Because my dad and mom aren't able to trust me at all, and don't ask me anything. At. All. This is really starting to piss me off. They didn't even ask me the details like when: Spencer's grandma said one. And she said yes. They didn't even ask me where: his front yard. Or over by the lake. I'm pissed off and upset all at once. And I miss him like crazy. I'm already miserable. Because of them. And things just got worse. Just. Come. On! They don't trust me at all. The don't listen to me. All dad heard was Spencer. And then he said: NO. This is really getting annoying! I don't want things to be like last summer where I saw him twice. So far, I've seen him what? Three times? This is so stupid! I might as well just explain the situation to Sally and ask her to take me. Sally likes Spencer. And she knows how I feel with all the negativity and bullshit and zero compliments I get from Dad. She's gotten it for a lot longer than I have. Fuck! The last compliment I got from dad was... I... I don't know. And this is one of those times where I think I'm about to cry and I can't tell anyone about it. Kecia's working, so texting her is on the kibosh. I really need someone to talk to. AND right as I feel like shit, and need someone to talk to, I get a random text. From a girl asking for me. In all caps. I think today is looking up. SO! Let's get POSITIVE!!!!!!! No more being a downer! Imma be lookin' on the brightside! Like this lovely bright yellow text :) >.< Hahaha have a good day fellow peoples!

Hmmm.... I wonder....

SO, it's been a while since I've written on my blog. Stuff has happened. Liiike, going to the mall and the movies with my love and my aunt and Alisa. The mall was freaking awesome! I got Domo headphones :)Ahh I wish we could have been out and about longer. All in all it was fun. And I fell asleep on his shoulder on the way home :) which was nice

Herro!

Heyyy It's been a while party people! And stuff has happened in Hayleyville! Like, I have decided to make a cartoon of the ADVENTURES ON LSD #2. AND ITS GONNA BE AMAZING! i gotta do stuffs first to make it perfect THEN upload it and so on. Lol. 

I DESIGNED THIS!!!!

 Like Spencer said, I have found my calling!

Cheers to the phrmaceutical world. And fuck my life.

Thank you, America's pharmaceutical companies, for manufacturing Lemictal (lamotrigine), and Trileptal (oxcarbezepine). They are counter-reacting against each other and really freaking the fuck out of my body. It's either, I crash at eleven pm. Or am awake until two am. Cheers! Your lovely drugs have made me extraordinarily, intensely easily carsick. They also have made it so it gets to the point where at some points in time I'm so fucking dizzy that I'm swaying as though I've had eight bottles of vodka. Yeah, and more to the point, I get so tired at some points, that I can't move. I am not fucking shitting you! I am tired, of being tired. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of throwing up because of an electrolyte imbalance and because you Trileptal takes out massive amounts of sodium from my body! But, I can't ditch my medicine and go for the herbal bullshit. Because its bullshit. Horseshit! I have taken Trileptal since I was seven years old. Hell, I never fucking asked to have polyfuckingmicrogyria and epilepsy! I never asked for that at all! Personally, I'd rather just have the polymicrogyria, and ditch the goddamn epilepsy. I can't drink to get drunk, I can't take acetinaminophen aka midol, tylenol, bayer, etc. No, because the medicines you have me on, go through my liver, and are probably destroying my liver. So, why did I drink about a quarter of a bottle of vodka and get drunk? Because, all of this isnt fair. I am fucking fifteen! I shouln't be looking at having kids and wondering whether or not I switch medicines so I don't hurt my kid! Is it fair? Is it fair for me to be constantly worried about if what I eat has enough sodium to take back what the Trileptal takes out? Is it fair for me to have to go through mood swings, and recklessness because of your drug? No. It's not. Whether its the Trileptal or the Lemictal it still has the possibility of hurting any children I have. DOn't tell me: "Why not adopt?"  "You could be a foster parent."  No! No! No! No! I want, a baby I made. That's part me. Not some baby who was abandoned. I keep on worrying about money too. About how much a fucking genetic counselor costs. This isn't fair to me, and it's particularly not fair to Spencer. He shouldn't have to worry about me having a seizure, or how much having a baby's gonna cost us, and all this horse shit!! It's not fair. So, cheers, Pharmaceutical companies of America, for taking six hundred dollars out of my pocket every month for 150 300mg concoctions.

I GOT NEW SHOES!!! and they're awesome!

Last night I was SUPPOSED to got on a SUPER SECRET SPY MISSION and get my mom's camera and get some pics of me in mah bikini top, BUT a lovely awesome amazing boy distracted me :) SO, I didn't get mom's camera OR take the pictures. BUT. Now, I have two pairs of new shoes, SO, I need to take pics of me, in my shorts AND bikini top, wearing mah new shoesez! BUT. I have to go and GET mom's camera and do a buncha shtuff so I don't really want to... but people should see how cool my shoes and bikini are :( OKAY FINE. HA. I'll be back :) with awesome pics!

3 pills in the morning, 4 at night. Banks Lake, and seeing Spencer Bennett.

As of yesterday, I now take two Trileptal, and one Lemictal in the morning. And three Trileptal, and one Lemictal at night. Cheers! To the American pharmaceutical companies for pumping my system with anti-seizure medication!!! Cuz it fucking works like magic. It kinda sucks though cuz I have trouble going to sleep, and trouble waking up. It sucks. I know my medicine has been doing this because, well, I'M taking the medicine aren't I? Unless, I'm hallucinating but, when a person's hallucinating they don't think about whether they're hallucinating... ANYWAYS. BANKS LAKE WAS AMAZING! Missing Spencer sucked but for the most part I texted him for over four hours one day and I called him and just talked which was nice, I also hung out with my baby cousin "Bo" Bennett Oliver Becher. Now, did you notice that Bo's first name is Spencer's last name? I did, when I found out that they named him Bennett I kinda went "uhm, is this some sort of sign?" then promptly dismissed it. I also got to hang out with Shaylee, who knows Spencer as "cousin Spencer" and he calls her Shay, like I do, and our whole family does. Which is awesomness incarnate because now, Shay knows him, and he knows all about her, which makes them meeting easier. I got to drive the new boat, and it's almost like driving a car, only with less multi tasking. Ahhh I can't wait to see Spencer again! I haven't seen him since last thursday but, i still miss him like crazy! So, me n him are gonna talk to my dad about going swimming at the lost lake pool sometime. I dont know when, I just hope me n Spencer talk to dad soon.

Hmm... Lol :) Bowling!

Yesterday was amazing! Me and Tristia, and Christian, and Spencer have to do that again! I had so much. Fun. At first I totally FAILED at bowling, the whole first game was bleck. I think I got 15 total that first game. Christian and Spencer kept going "Roll the ball!" And I'd turn around and kinda glare at them. And, then, the second game was AWESOME. I did a ton better. Another thing, I DO NOT DO DRUGS. Yes, I take Trileptol, and Lemictal, BUT it is prescribed for me. Anywaaays, it was awesome, and after bowling we went over to dairy queen and me n Tristia got cookie dough blizzards and christian got a chicken basket thing, its funny, both Spencer and I were broke afterwards, it was awesome, then we over to Heritage Park and ran into this HUGE ASS field! Through a lot of the field the grass is taller than me almost. Spencer and I hung back and Tristia and  Christian went on and we met up with them when Spencer's grandma came to take us both home. Overall, after managing to change the subject enough on dad to keep from getting into massive trouble and ending in an agreement to be more truthful, I am in zip trouble, have my phone, and had a brilliant day. :) Btw Spencer, all those cosmic brownies are gone, all that's left is the mountain dew, and I love you :)