Jesus. Are you listening? Is the thing I'm best at fucking up? Or am I just confused?

I have fucked up. Once again. And I feel like shit. I hate making him mad. Because then I feel bad. I might as well let him calm down. Things always, and trust me, I mean always go wrong when one of us is mad at the other. And I mean it, I feel terrible. I don't feel like going onto facebook when I'm upset, I mean why? To just sit there and feel worse and worse? That's the thing about facebook. It gets so pointless!  If I  want to be an inspiring person, I'm going to do it on a blog. Where every one can see my words. There's no point to facebook. It's just gonna turn into myspace. See, I like blogs much much better. Any one can follow your blog, and you have the space to write all you want. I'm pretty sure you could write a book in one post. No one can kick you off either. You have the ability to write anything you want. On facebook you can get kicked off easily. Same with myspace. I know this because Spencer got kicked off of facebook. What's the point of just sitting around online not really talking to anyone and getting caught up in online drama/bullshit? I mean really, I have been in more drama on facebook than in real life. I mean really! What's the point? I keep getting wrapped up in people's bullshit drama. Then, I'll post up something and get a ton of comments and have to not comment because I know that the comment that was put up was gonna make me start drama. No. Thank. You. There have been quite a few times that I have wanted to just delete my facebook account altogether. It's really not worth the drama. More to the point, all the bullshit with Ann happened on there, and from that went Ann trying to bitch me out online. Then her just talking shit about me. Which turned into people spreading rumors.And so, now, I don't give a flying pig's ass. People can say what they want, call me a poser, call me a whore, none of it's true. All the people saying these utterly disgusting lies(it really is bad I'll explain in the next post or two), obviously they have nothing better to do than spread the things that even Jesus would've gone up to that person, glared at them, and bitch slapped them. I have amazing, wonderful friends. And, a boyfriend, who I can trust with everything, and who's been there for me since I met him. You could say I lead a charmed life, I have some smarts, am a brilliant landscape designer, have a wonderful love, and great friends. I guess the epilepsy and polymicrogyria sort of make my life more interesting. They sure make me having kids a bit more scary, but, for now, I'm going to focus on being a teenager, and try to stop worrying about keeping my kids having the polymicrogyria and epilepsy and just worry about my love. Spencer. And focus on making it to five years of dating. On and off but, no relationship is absolutely perfect.

Things are going downhill.

Yeah, there will be no picnics tomorrow for me. Because my dad and mom aren't able to trust me at all, and don't ask me anything. At. All. This is really starting to piss me off. They didn't even ask me the details like when: Spencer's grandma said one. And she said yes. They didn't even ask me where: his front yard. Or over by the lake. I'm pissed off and upset all at once. And I miss him like crazy. I'm already miserable. Because of them. And things just got worse. Just. Come. On! They don't trust me at all. The don't listen to me. All dad heard was Spencer. And then he said: NO. This is really getting annoying! I don't want things to be like last summer where I saw him twice. So far, I've seen him what? Three times? This is so stupid! I might as well just explain the situation to Sally and ask her to take me. Sally likes Spencer. And she knows how I feel with all the negativity and bullshit and zero compliments I get from Dad. She's gotten it for a lot longer than I have. Fuck! The last compliment I got from dad was... I... I don't know. And this is one of those times where I think I'm about to cry and I can't tell anyone about it. Kecia's working, so texting her is on the kibosh. I really need someone to talk to. AND right as I feel like shit, and need someone to talk to, I get a random text. From a girl asking for me. In all caps. I think today is looking up. SO! Let's get POSITIVE!!!!!!! No more being a downer! Imma be lookin' on the brightside! Like this lovely bright yellow text :) >.< Hahaha have a good day fellow peoples!

Hmmm.... I wonder....

SO, it's been a while since I've written on my blog. Stuff has happened. Liiike, going to the mall and the movies with my love and my aunt and Alisa. The mall was freaking awesome! I got Domo headphones :)Ahh I wish we could have been out and about longer. All in all it was fun. And I fell asleep on his shoulder on the way home :) which was nice

Herro!

Heyyy It's been a while party people! And stuff has happened in Hayleyville! Like, I have decided to make a cartoon of the ADVENTURES ON LSD #2. AND ITS GONNA BE AMAZING! i gotta do stuffs first to make it perfect THEN upload it and so on. Lol. 

I DESIGNED THIS!!!!

 Like Spencer said, I have found my calling!

Cheers to the phrmaceutical world. And fuck my life.

Thank you, America's pharmaceutical companies, for manufacturing Lemictal (lamotrigine), and Trileptal (oxcarbezepine). They are counter-reacting against each other and really freaking the fuck out of my body. It's either, I crash at eleven pm. Or am awake until two am. Cheers! Your lovely drugs have made me extraordinarily, intensely easily carsick. They also have made it so it gets to the point where at some points in time I'm so fucking dizzy that I'm swaying as though I've had eight bottles of vodka. Yeah, and more to the point, I get so tired at some points, that I can't move. I am not fucking shitting you! I am tired, of being tired. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of throwing up because of an electrolyte imbalance and because you Trileptal takes out massive amounts of sodium from my body! But, I can't ditch my medicine and go for the herbal bullshit. Because its bullshit. Horseshit! I have taken Trileptal since I was seven years old. Hell, I never fucking asked to have polyfuckingmicrogyria and epilepsy! I never asked for that at all! Personally, I'd rather just have the polymicrogyria, and ditch the goddamn epilepsy. I can't drink to get drunk, I can't take acetinaminophen aka midol, tylenol, bayer, etc. No, because the medicines you have me on, go through my liver, and are probably destroying my liver. So, why did I drink about a quarter of a bottle of vodka and get drunk? Because, all of this isnt fair. I am fucking fifteen! I shouln't be looking at having kids and wondering whether or not I switch medicines so I don't hurt my kid! Is it fair? Is it fair for me to be constantly worried about if what I eat has enough sodium to take back what the Trileptal takes out? Is it fair for me to have to go through mood swings, and recklessness because of your drug? No. It's not. Whether its the Trileptal or the Lemictal it still has the possibility of hurting any children I have. DOn't tell me: "Why not adopt?"  "You could be a foster parent."  No! No! No! No! I want, a baby I made. That's part me. Not some baby who was abandoned. I keep on worrying about money too. About how much a fucking genetic counselor costs. This isn't fair to me, and it's particularly not fair to Spencer. He shouldn't have to worry about me having a seizure, or how much having a baby's gonna cost us, and all this horse shit!! It's not fair. So, cheers, Pharmaceutical companies of America, for taking six hundred dollars out of my pocket every month for 150 300mg concoctions.

I GOT NEW SHOES!!! and they're awesome!

Last night I was SUPPOSED to got on a SUPER SECRET SPY MISSION and get my mom's camera and get some pics of me in mah bikini top, BUT a lovely awesome amazing boy distracted me :) SO, I didn't get mom's camera OR take the pictures. BUT. Now, I have two pairs of new shoes, SO, I need to take pics of me, in my shorts AND bikini top, wearing mah new shoesez! BUT. I have to go and GET mom's camera and do a buncha shtuff so I don't really want to... but people should see how cool my shoes and bikini are :( OKAY FINE. HA. I'll be back :) with awesome pics!

3 pills in the morning, 4 at night. Banks Lake, and seeing Spencer Bennett.

As of yesterday, I now take two Trileptal, and one Lemictal in the morning. And three Trileptal, and one Lemictal at night. Cheers! To the American pharmaceutical companies for pumping my system with anti-seizure medication!!! Cuz it fucking works like magic. It kinda sucks though cuz I have trouble going to sleep, and trouble waking up. It sucks. I know my medicine has been doing this because, well, I'M taking the medicine aren't I? Unless, I'm hallucinating but, when a person's hallucinating they don't think about whether they're hallucinating... ANYWAYS. BANKS LAKE WAS AMAZING! Missing Spencer sucked but for the most part I texted him for over four hours one day and I called him and just talked which was nice, I also hung out with my baby cousin "Bo" Bennett Oliver Becher. Now, did you notice that Bo's first name is Spencer's last name? I did, when I found out that they named him Bennett I kinda went "uhm, is this some sort of sign?" then promptly dismissed it. I also got to hang out with Shaylee, who knows Spencer as "cousin Spencer" and he calls her Shay, like I do, and our whole family does. Which is awesomness incarnate because now, Shay knows him, and he knows all about her, which makes them meeting easier. I got to drive the new boat, and it's almost like driving a car, only with less multi tasking. Ahhh I can't wait to see Spencer again! I haven't seen him since last thursday but, i still miss him like crazy! So, me n him are gonna talk to my dad about going swimming at the lost lake pool sometime. I dont know when, I just hope me n Spencer talk to dad soon.

Hmm... Lol :) Bowling!

Yesterday was amazing! Me and Tristia, and Christian, and Spencer have to do that again! I had so much. Fun. At first I totally FAILED at bowling, the whole first game was bleck. I think I got 15 total that first game. Christian and Spencer kept going "Roll the ball!" And I'd turn around and kinda glare at them. And, then, the second game was AWESOME. I did a ton better. Another thing, I DO NOT DO DRUGS. Yes, I take Trileptol, and Lemictal, BUT it is prescribed for me. Anywaaays, it was awesome, and after bowling we went over to dairy queen and me n Tristia got cookie dough blizzards and christian got a chicken basket thing, its funny, both Spencer and I were broke afterwards, it was awesome, then we over to Heritage Park and ran into this HUGE ASS field! Through a lot of the field the grass is taller than me almost. Spencer and I hung back and Tristia and  Christian went on and we met up with them when Spencer's grandma came to take us both home. Overall, after managing to change the subject enough on dad to keep from getting into massive trouble and ending in an agreement to be more truthful, I am in zip trouble, have my phone, and had a brilliant day. :) Btw Spencer, all those cosmic brownies are gone, all that's left is the mountain dew, and I love you :)

ADVENTURES ON LSD #2: The Journey, and The Shift

SO, I was jus' sitting there, going on and on and on about the Shift to James and he was all whoa whoa whoa DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE PRESHIFT YOU?!?!?! And, he was SUPER EXCITED cuz he knows that I can tell a really cool story on acid, and so it starts like this: Once, there was a little girl, and she was about five foot four n a half, and she set off on a Journey, on her journey she met lots of people, fairies, and pixies and narwahls. But, a little ways into her Journey, she was about almost two years into her Journey, she got messed up D: and started to hurt herself. And all of the new people she had met kept asking her what was wrong, all she knew was that she was unhappy. So, under the advice of her parents, she strayed off her path and went to see the GURU OF HELP, and she and the GURU talked for quite some time. And, she learned a lot, and did as the GURU told her to do, then, she started on her Journey again.And she was great and fine, and met more new people. Or, one person in particular. She met a boy. His name was Spencer. He was unlike any person she had ever met on her Journey. They became friends, and soon fell in love. They were happy as can be. For months they were the perfect couple, he was her first kiss, and she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him. BUT. Then, in the spring of the third year of her Journey, she fell back down. She was hurting herself again. She and Spencer broke up, but, we still in love, and still were very close. He helped her as much as he could, and during the summer, she was sitting down with him on his grandparents' porch and, he made her better :) They, got back together, and he came with her on her Journey, they went through more ups and downs. But, they loved each other more and more everyday. One day, they met a narwahl. Named Ann. The girl and Ann were very very close friends. The girl was starving herself though. And Spencer was more worried about her than ever before. Sometime in December they broke up again. An stayed broken up for a little while. And, she got better, she started eating and gained back enough weight and she was healthy :D And, in January they got back together! And stayed together, and yes, they were more and more in love, and he accompanied her on her Journey. Then, nearing the end of the fourth spring of her Journey, her narwahl friend betrayed her. She was starting to feel replaced by Ann in Spencer's heart, and she hung out with her best friend Paige more and noticed, how Paige treated her better than Ann did. After a fight, she decided that no, she didn't want to be friends with Ann anymore. After some more fighting, she removed Ann from her life entirely, BUT. Ann started calling her names, and not being nice to her at all. And, Ann kept asking Spencer why he didn't break up with her. Now, the little girl was not happy. So, she told Ann to stop. And, since Ann didn't stop. Rumors started to go around the towns she stayed in. Nasty rumors. Rumors that she was cheating on Spencer. They got into a few big fights over this and broke up. Then, while she was desperate to make amends.She talked to Spencer, and they talked for a long long time, and they made up. The girl went through a Shift, after not being friends with Ann. She was happier, stronger, more confident, and happy with her body. She didn't want to die, KNEW FOR SURE she was NOT going to start hurting herself, or starve herself. She was at peace, and still with Spencer. AND, falling more in love with him, every day. And, this girl, is Hayley Kathleen Moses. And she is still on her Journey, but, she has some peace of mind.  OMFG BEST STORY EVER! Did she did she like EVER FIGHT ANYONE like BAM! I punched you in the face bitch! type fighting?And I was all JAMES JAMES!!!! Dude. the girl is ME. And he was all.. WHOA. HOW COME I HAVENT MET THIS ANN CHICK!And I shrugged and went I dunno... HOLY FUCK NYAN CAT IS BACK FROM THE DEAD! The End(for now at least) 

Here's a song for the one who stole my heart :)

Hmmmyhmm. Tell me you want me to stay cuz heaven can wait :) i love that song! I'm thinking about my Shift. And the preShift me. Here, I'll put it in a list of songs if I can. PreShift: Because Of You- Nickelback, Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback,Waiting- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Getting Better: Love Like Woe- The Ready Set, Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Shift:Young Forever- The Ready Set, On The Brightside- Never Shout Never! That's as best as I can describe it without it being a REALLY REALLY LONG SCARY STORY. OR... I KNOW! Get ready for more ADVENTURES ON LSD :)

CAPSLOCK DAY IN MEMORY OF BILLY MAYS

I LOVE BILLY MAYS INFOMERCIALS!!!! HE WAS ALWAYS YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA I DID FIND OUT LATER THAT HE WAS USING COKE. MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE WAS STOKED ABOUT HIS COMMERCIALS AND SO SURE THIS PRODUCT WAS SO SUPER AWESOME AND TOTALLY WORKED!!! I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS THOUGH! EVERYONE SHOULD PARTICIPATE!

I am a lazy crazy lady!

I redid my blog. AGAIN. No, this isn't going to be frequent, I did it at first because I was having trouble reading the comments. SO, I changed the color and I decided to change things up and make it look EVEN BETTER. And, I like it, it looks super rad! There are even MORE colors, and I can use lighter colors like this one. so, my blog is super cool now, and I like it, and I don't feel so icky anymore. I did not throw up today, I slept in waaaay late, but, I feel good, and I got to talk to my Guardian Angel until before I fell asleep, which made my day special. I know, I'm just fifteen, but, I keep thinking about three or four years from now, when I get to walk down the aisle to him :) That, is going to be the most perfect day of my life! A simple  deep green dress, that's flattering, and falls to my knees, and thinking of a wedding that's on the day that we first started dating :) Absolutely perfect :) And romantic, and wonderful :)