A General Gift Of Encouragement

Hmmm, moving on from my last post, I'm thinking of all the random times where I've been a motivating, encouraging and inspiring person. Huh. Well, I haven't been able to inspire myself yet. I can talk myself into getting out of bed early in the morning, and talk myself into being willing to take my meds and have a normal Hayley-day. That's the thing. There shouldn't be one standard for normal. Because, then, you have people who feel bad, cause they're going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of their life or if they're like me, and have to take five or six pills a day so they don't have a seizure. Or, if they have HIV and have to take ten or twelve pills a day. Every one has their own, very distinct personal normal. My normal, is getting up, and having to take two pills, then go through the next few hours a lil sick and dizzy, then just going through the day. Then, before I go to bed I take three more. Then, I generally text Spencer until I fall asleep. That's my normal. What's your normal? I think Josh is right, about having a gift of Encouragement. I don't know many people who can be inspiring, I just know that I am one of those few people. I guess, that all the people are right. I'm funny, and pretty, and smart, and good at making people feel better about themselves and life! I guess, that's a really good gift to have. Whether it's cheering up Spencer, and keeping him from running away, or wanting to die, or Nichelle, helping her realize everyone has a different normal. yeah, I guess I have a pretty cool gift. And I don't know where I'd be without Paige and Spencer and Kayla and all my adopted family. :) You guys mean a lot to me, even the newer members, like Alex, and Kecia and Josh.

You asked for all that was said and here you go...

Okay you wanted the whole convo, and here you have it: 

• • Hayley Moses: This has got to stop. You need to stop talking shit about me right now. And Kylee told me what you said to her at lunch. And do not say you have no idea what I'm talking about because you do. I'm not trying be mean. All of the rumors started with *you* and I am tired of people telling Spencer he should know things that "happened" that never happened. You *need to stop* you have taken this too far and I am done with it. I will not apologize to you. If anything you should be apologizing to *me* because of you I have gone from invisible to the school's biggest whore. Stop this, and this is the only time I'm going to tell you to stop nicely.
• 

  17 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • I have NOT been spreading rumors about you. YOU are the one who became a total bitch. YOU are the one who decided that you could treat everyone like crap and have everyone treat you well at the same time. What did I really do wrong, Hayley? YOU HURT ME. So much. You changed to the point where I didn't know you anymore. THAT'S why I couldn't trust you. And the whole thing you pulled with Shawn and the message full of lies? I was appalled that you would even try to break us up. I KNOW you are not that mean. You used to be so nice. But now, you are a wannabe raver. A poser. And you treat EVERYONE except Spencer like shit. So many people think you are mean, Hayley. You have no idea. And yes, things DID happen. You are DRAGGING HIM DOWN. He is an unhappy person because of the new you. The old you was better. I LIKED the old you just fine. This new you is mean, hypocritical, and untrustworthy. Once again, I haven't been spreading rumors about you. People see how you act and make assumptions. So. Don't speak to me again, K? I don't care about the new you at all. When the old you comes back, let me know. I miss her.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • I will no go back to the person I was. The old me hated herself, drank because she was unhappy, was unconfident, starved herself, was underweight, and wanted to die. Is that really the person you want me to be? Are you really that kind of person? Since I haven't been friends with you, Spencer got through to me. I am happy, confident, out going, and I don't hate myself anymore. If you are going to want me to be the person I was then you can go away and never speak to me again, Spencer agrees with this. And don't say he doesn't because he told me to avoid you as much as I can. Good bye and do not message back.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • Everyone changes, that is what high school is about. And I care about all the people I'm close to, I just happen to be in love with Spencer and care about him the most.
  • (However on this bit, my gma wrote this, and I don't think this and i kinda think she took it a bit far) I am sure you did like the "old" Hayley, the one was was insecure, the one who could so easily be manipulated, the one who was suckered into trusting someone as I trusted you. Yes, that was a far more convenient person for you to "like", or should I say something akin to someone you could play ugly little games on, as you did so often with me. Making a mockery of me. Like I was just some joke. You silly, shallow person. I am moving toward maturity and you would prefer to drag me back into an era that brought me unhappiness. No, no more. To me you simply are insignificant. And with this writing, I'm done.
• 

  18 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • Fine, you stuck up little girl. But let me tell you; I was at a party tonight where everyone knew you. All of them think the same way I do. What did I do to hurt you? You fail to answer that question. BUT. I know the answer. I DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING TO YOU. You are just looking for a scapegoat. Someone to blame. EVERYONE but Spencer sees that. Mike can't even stand you! You were once so close. Please, explain these 'ugly little games' I played with you. I didn't do anything to you. YOU did it to yourself. I researched your meds, and they can't make you a bitch; you do that on your own. You blame your problems on your meds, you friends, your sisters, EVERYONE but yourself. And that is a mark of extreme immaturity. And I don't want you to be unhappy and insecure. I want a combination of the old Hayley and the new Hayley. A happy, kindhearted person who could make me laugh and cheered me up when I was upset. The one I could tell everything to. The one I could share my writing with. Now, you have become a raver (and you have never even been to a rave), and you treat your friends like crap and have adopted new ones with questionable behavior. You do questionable things to fit in with them. You skip class or school altogether. You once said you wanted to get into Physics in college, and the way you are now, you will never get there. Or it will be extremely difficult. I know you say that I am such a horrible person and everything, but you could ask an awful lot of people what they think of me, and they most likely wouldn't say that they hated me. I try to be a good friend. I tried to be a good friend to you. But you began to push me away. And so I backed into the shadows to give you space. The next thing I knew, you were making snide comments to my face, hurting me. You were ignoring me, by ditching me at lunch with Spencer and not telling me why ( I don't believe that you were feeling anti social for a month). You flew off the handle with me for the littlest things. So I began to distrust you. I COULDN'T trust you; I wasn't going to go through that again. You have no idea how many people did the same thing you did and hurt me. NO IDEA. I wouldn't even mind the new Hayley so much if you were a kind person. But you AREN'T! You have become so mean. And I can tell because of that last message you sent me. You are cruel. And with that attitude... you will soon learn. Nobody likes it, and eventually, you will lose all of your friends.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Okay, There are quite a few fucked up things with what ann kept saying, one, missing the pre-Shift me. Now, that me, hated herself, and she says she misses the nice part of me from the pre-Shift me. Uhm... I wasn't very nice, I am actually nicer now. Secondly: she IS NOT Spencer. And she can't read him like I can. The bit she sees is Spencer worrying about me. And, I can read Spencer like a book, I know him top to bottom. She hasn't know him for even a year. I have known him for almost three years now. And from all the crap she's talked about me, he hates her now. 
    So, it's really her loss.  Amd after reading this, I don't think Ms. Tayon OR Mr. Wilfong will be very sympathetic with her. Seeing as she called me names and I didn't call her any names at all. 

Huh. It must be the colors.

So, I went through my blog and looked at the comments and I didn't know so many people were following my blog! I was all, AWESOME!!!! And talking to Josh about it he said: Trust me, it's the colors. But, I mean that's just freaking awesome!!! I didn't realize my random meandering thoughts were so awesome to read. Hahaha. I mean, I've talked about SQUAIDS and drama, and breakups and getting back togethers, and unicorns and pretending to be on LSD and so on. Yeah, I guess it's fun to read :) Hahaha. So, corsets. I mean, the weird thing is, is that unless you're wearing a bra with it, or have GIGANTIC MONSTROUS boobs, they make your boobs look smaller. NO there will NOT be any pics. Just, *shudders* ahhh those kinds of pics are for my boyfriend only ;) Hahaha but yeah and Ladies, DO NOT WEAR A THICK PADDED BRA WHILE WEARING A CORSET. it hurts... But, a corset DOES corre t your posture. NO JOKE

I am an Inspirational Person!

I don't know how, I just know that I am, I mean, I just try to cheer people up y'know? Like, my twin brother loves this girl, and she doesn't love him back, and I just gave him some advice, simple stuff, and it helped him. Made him feel better. Crazy right? And, this saying I made up: Be inspirational! Always. It doesn't matter if it's in words, or in actions. Be yourself, and be colorful, and love, leave people who put you down behind you, and always remember the people who inspire you and help you up :)  It's just perfect for life! And so true, you can't try to be inspirational, you gotta try to help  and make your point. And that's really all you can do. But, if you try to be inspirational it never works out y'know? I mean, Jesus was inspirational, and he was inspiring because he endured so much hate and torture, and he took it without a word, all because he was standing up for his beliefs. He believed he was on Earth to spread the word of God and save us from our sins. And, he was nailed to a cross,can you even imagine how painful that was? I mean, Jesus was inspirational from that, and I'm inspiring to people because, well... I don't even know. People just find me inspiring. It could be because of what I've been through with my epilepsy and how well I've dealt with it. I mean, it sucks, but, I'm just gonna keep on truckin' and keep trying to cheer people up and let them know how much they mean to me :)

There's a Reason Why I Don't Drink NOSs

I"M LIKE REALLY FUCKIN HYPER!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHA You see there's a reason why I shouldn't drink NOSs. Like, I took A SIP and got HYPER AS SHIT. I gotta do something before I end up breaking my foot from shuffling. NOT SHITTING YOU I AM LIKE WHOA MAMA!!! GIVE ME SPEED AND THE EXACT SAME THING WOULD HAPPEN. AND me drinking ONE NOS is the same as a person ODing on SPEED. Like taking so much SPEED they're bouncing off the walls. NOT FUCKING SHITTING YOU!!!!!! Me drinking a NOS: AHHHH HOLY SHIT!!! Person on SPEED: AHHH HOLY SHIT!! One NOS can keep me awake for DAYS. So, I'm gonna be an insomniac for a while lovely peoples. AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SQUID AIDS!!!! ONLY SQUIRREL AIDS. Trust me, I'm a dentist. A very hot dentist with an amazing boyfriend. Hehehe Oh the things you don't know. ;)

Hmmmyhmm. Fun.

Oh. My. God. Yesterday was amazing! I just ahh I wish he was here. That's just about it. Today was lame. While yesterday was amazing. That's life.

Messed up shit.

I'm thinking of all the messed up shit in my life. Like, AnnMarie not participating in my Shift. I dunno why but that seems like the best word for it. And her misses the pre-Shift me. The messed up starving herself me. The unhappy me. Oh yeah, I found out that the meds I'm on for my epilepsy right now have me making me more impulsive and making me have mood swings. I also happened to have a mini-Shift last night. All the crap AnnMarie's been saying about me doesn't make me pissed off it just hurts :( Sadness.....

I really can't wait for tuesday.

Tuesday is the last day of school. BUT, I will not be in my classes. I will be tucked away with my most favorite person. Making out and so on. WHICH WILL BE AMAZING! I didn't go to first second third or fourth period. I spent second and third with that favorite person, and went to fifth and wrote an essay in twenty minutes. And I hope to whoever that I actually do well. However my english teacher obviously hates me. The essay I spent eight days  writing and revising I got a C on. A C. WHAT THE HELL. And I thought I had done a pretty good job on it. :( So yeah, she fuckin' hates me.On the last day of school, what the hell is the point of going to classes you aren't going to do anything in? Comment if you see my point.

I like to think I was pretty nice when I told her to stop

Me:

• • This has got to stop. You need to stop talking shit about me right now. And Kylee told me what you said to her at lunch. And do not say you have no idea what I'm talking about because you do. I'm not trying be mean. All of the rumors started with you and I am tired of people telling Spencer he should know things that "happened" that never happened. You need to stop you have taken this too far and I am done with it. I will not apologize to you. If anything you should be apologizing to me because of you I have gone from invisible to the school's biggest whore. Stop this, and this is the only time I'm going to tell you to stop nicely.

AnnMarie:

I have NOT been spreading rumors about you. YOU are the one who became a total bitch. YOU are the one who decided that you could treat everyone like crap and have everyone treat you well at the same time. What did I really do wrong, Hayley? YOU HURT ME. So much. You changed to the point where I didn't know you anymore. THAT'S why I couldn't trust you. And the whole thing you pulled with Shawn and the message full of lies? I was appalled that you would even try to break us up. I KNOW you are not that mean. You used to be so nice. But now, you are a wannabe raver. A poser. And you treat EVERYONE except Spencer like shit. So many people think you are mean, Hayley. You have no idea. And yes, things DID happen. You are DRAGGING HIM DOWN. He is an unhappy person because of the new you. The old you was better. I LIKED the old you just fine. This new you is mean, hypocritical, and untrustworthy. Once again, I haven't been spreading rumors about you. People see how you act and make assumptions. So. Don't speak to me again, K? I don't care about the new you at all. When the old you comes back, let me know. I miss her.

I is sad now. :( I was being all nice let's end this and then she was all not nice. 

It's really cold, and it's supposed to be nearing summer

I tried to be nice. I honestly tried. It didn't work. Which really sucks. It just sucks, big time. I sent AnnMarie a message telling her to stop talking crap about me and she messaged back and was really really rude. Just urrgh, I'm done with all the rumors. If anyone needs me, I'll be up by the west(?) mezzanine gym on tuesday.

Hmm... Just hmm....

Rumors suck. They just suck. Particularly when they're about you. And to make it worse AnnMarie has been talking shit about me. Fantastic. And she says she'll stop and she'll be fine when I apologize. Wtf? Not happening. Never. This all started with her. I am not apologize. She didn't say anything to me about what was happening in her life, and then expected me to be sympathetic. Yuh huh... Not going to happen. Nope. It's hard to be sympathetic when you have no idea what's going on. Kinda really hard. I'm going to talk to Paige about what to do and whatever we decide is best to do, I will do. Before the school year ends. Which means the last day of school. People irk me. Like all the people spreading rumors.

Hmmm. . . Hahaha Dr. Denis Leary.

Hahaha Hmmm. . . Dr. Denis Leary. Why We Suck. FUNNIEST BOOK EVER. I am listening to the audio book and am so totally laughing my ass off. I completely recommend this book if you are not: Brittany Spears, Dr. "Full" Phil, Muslim, a parent who believes their child is special and wonderful, and/or any person on earth. If you are a teenager or under the age of thirty, go ahead and listen to this!!!! Here's a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6bqE06GPw&feature=related
There are a couple parts, four I think. I LOVE IT!!!

CHEESE. AND OTHER AMAZING THINGS.

MY SOON TO BE(hopefully) LITTLE BROTHER IN LAW HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME!!!! Is that not like... OMFG AMAZING!!! I sure think so. I mean, I was all... Like... DUDE! THAT'S LIKE F'ING AWESOME!!! So, me and my little brother Chase have decided on his birthday prezzie several months early. 
WE'RE GOING TO ADOPT HIM!
Chill right? But, I mean.... Cam sounds like he's a mix of me n Spencer and I have to say:
THAT'S ONE HELL OF A PERSON! Why wouldn't I want to adopt him? I mean, WHO WOULDN'T ADOPT HIM!?  He's blond, about 4'11" and just like... WHOA. Hahahaha. That would be his big break. Comin' up here and be all like, "Wow, it's pretty chill up here. where am i living now?" I'd say: "My living room, don't worry it's pretty comfy plus, we put a bed out there."  I'm pretty sure he'd have fun with me n Chase.We'd be all RAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! Yeah, he'd be cool to have up here.