3 pills in the morning, 4 at night. Banks Lake, and seeing Spencer Bennett.

As of yesterday, I now take two Trileptal, and one Lemictal in the morning. And three Trileptal, and one Lemictal at night. Cheers! To the American pharmaceutical companies for pumping my system with anti-seizure medication!!! Cuz it fucking works like magic. It kinda sucks though cuz I have trouble going to sleep, and trouble waking up. It sucks. I know my medicine has been doing this because, well, I'M taking the medicine aren't I? Unless, I'm hallucinating but, when a person's hallucinating they don't think about whether they're hallucinating... ANYWAYS. BANKS LAKE WAS AMAZING! Missing Spencer sucked but for the most part I texted him for over four hours one day and I called him and just talked which was nice, I also hung out with my baby cousin "Bo" Bennett Oliver Becher. Now, did you notice that Bo's first name is Spencer's last name? I did, when I found out that they named him Bennett I kinda went "uhm, is this some sort of sign?" then promptly dismissed it. I also got to hang out with Shaylee, who knows Spencer as "cousin Spencer" and he calls her Shay, like I do, and our whole family does. Which is awesomness incarnate because now, Shay knows him, and he knows all about her, which makes them meeting easier. I got to drive the new boat, and it's almost like driving a car, only with less multi tasking. Ahhh I can't wait to see Spencer again! I haven't seen him since last thursday but, i still miss him like crazy! So, me n him are gonna talk to my dad about going swimming at the lost lake pool sometime. I dont know when, I just hope me n Spencer talk to dad soon.

Hmm... Lol :) Bowling!

Yesterday was amazing! Me and Tristia, and Christian, and Spencer have to do that again! I had so much. Fun. At first I totally FAILED at bowling, the whole first game was bleck. I think I got 15 total that first game. Christian and Spencer kept going "Roll the ball!" And I'd turn around and kinda glare at them. And, then, the second game was AWESOME. I did a ton better. Another thing, I DO NOT DO DRUGS. Yes, I take Trileptol, and Lemictal, BUT it is prescribed for me. Anywaaays, it was awesome, and after bowling we went over to dairy queen and me n Tristia got cookie dough blizzards and christian got a chicken basket thing, its funny, both Spencer and I were broke afterwards, it was awesome, then we over to Heritage Park and ran into this HUGE ASS field! Through a lot of the field the grass is taller than me almost. Spencer and I hung back and Tristia and  Christian went on and we met up with them when Spencer's grandma came to take us both home. Overall, after managing to change the subject enough on dad to keep from getting into massive trouble and ending in an agreement to be more truthful, I am in zip trouble, have my phone, and had a brilliant day. :) Btw Spencer, all those cosmic brownies are gone, all that's left is the mountain dew, and I love you :)

ADVENTURES ON LSD #2: The Journey, and The Shift

SO, I was jus' sitting there, going on and on and on about the Shift to James and he was all whoa whoa whoa DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE PRESHIFT YOU?!?!?! And, he was SUPER EXCITED cuz he knows that I can tell a really cool story on acid, and so it starts like this: Once, there was a little girl, and she was about five foot four n a half, and she set off on a Journey, on her journey she met lots of people, fairies, and pixies and narwahls. But, a little ways into her Journey, she was about almost two years into her Journey, she got messed up D: and started to hurt herself. And all of the new people she had met kept asking her what was wrong, all she knew was that she was unhappy. So, under the advice of her parents, she strayed off her path and went to see the GURU OF HELP, and she and the GURU talked for quite some time. And, she learned a lot, and did as the GURU told her to do, then, she started on her Journey again.And she was great and fine, and met more new people. Or, one person in particular. She met a boy. His name was Spencer. He was unlike any person she had ever met on her Journey. They became friends, and soon fell in love. They were happy as can be. For months they were the perfect couple, he was her first kiss, and she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him. BUT. Then, in the spring of the third year of her Journey, she fell back down. She was hurting herself again. She and Spencer broke up, but, we still in love, and still were very close. He helped her as much as he could, and during the summer, she was sitting down with him on his grandparents' porch and, he made her better :) They, got back together, and he came with her on her Journey, they went through more ups and downs. But, they loved each other more and more everyday. One day, they met a narwahl. Named Ann. The girl and Ann were very very close friends. The girl was starving herself though. And Spencer was more worried about her than ever before. Sometime in December they broke up again. An stayed broken up for a little while. And, she got better, she started eating and gained back enough weight and she was healthy :D And, in January they got back together! And stayed together, and yes, they were more and more in love, and he accompanied her on her Journey. Then, nearing the end of the fourth spring of her Journey, her narwahl friend betrayed her. She was starting to feel replaced by Ann in Spencer's heart, and she hung out with her best friend Paige more and noticed, how Paige treated her better than Ann did. After a fight, she decided that no, she didn't want to be friends with Ann anymore. After some more fighting, she removed Ann from her life entirely, BUT. Ann started calling her names, and not being nice to her at all. And, Ann kept asking Spencer why he didn't break up with her. Now, the little girl was not happy. So, she told Ann to stop. And, since Ann didn't stop. Rumors started to go around the towns she stayed in. Nasty rumors. Rumors that she was cheating on Spencer. They got into a few big fights over this and broke up. Then, while she was desperate to make amends.She talked to Spencer, and they talked for a long long time, and they made up. The girl went through a Shift, after not being friends with Ann. She was happier, stronger, more confident, and happy with her body. She didn't want to die, KNEW FOR SURE she was NOT going to start hurting herself, or starve herself. She was at peace, and still with Spencer. AND, falling more in love with him, every day. And, this girl, is Hayley Kathleen Moses. And she is still on her Journey, but, she has some peace of mind.  OMFG BEST STORY EVER! Did she did she like EVER FIGHT ANYONE like BAM! I punched you in the face bitch! type fighting?And I was all JAMES JAMES!!!! Dude. the girl is ME. And he was all.. WHOA. HOW COME I HAVENT MET THIS ANN CHICK!And I shrugged and went I dunno... HOLY FUCK NYAN CAT IS BACK FROM THE DEAD! The End(for now at least) 

Here's a song for the one who stole my heart :)

Hmmmyhmm. Tell me you want me to stay cuz heaven can wait :) i love that song! I'm thinking about my Shift. And the preShift me. Here, I'll put it in a list of songs if I can. PreShift: Because Of You- Nickelback, Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback,Waiting- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Getting Better: Love Like Woe- The Ready Set, Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Shift:Young Forever- The Ready Set, On The Brightside- Never Shout Never! That's as best as I can describe it without it being a REALLY REALLY LONG SCARY STORY. OR... I KNOW! Get ready for more ADVENTURES ON LSD :)

CAPSLOCK DAY IN MEMORY OF BILLY MAYS

I LOVE BILLY MAYS INFOMERCIALS!!!! HE WAS ALWAYS YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA I DID FIND OUT LATER THAT HE WAS USING COKE. MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE WAS STOKED ABOUT HIS COMMERCIALS AND SO SURE THIS PRODUCT WAS SO SUPER AWESOME AND TOTALLY WORKED!!! I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS THOUGH! EVERYONE SHOULD PARTICIPATE!

I am a lazy crazy lady!

I redid my blog. AGAIN. No, this isn't going to be frequent, I did it at first because I was having trouble reading the comments. SO, I changed the color and I decided to change things up and make it look EVEN BETTER. And, I like it, it looks super rad! There are even MORE colors, and I can use lighter colors like this one. so, my blog is super cool now, and I like it, and I don't feel so icky anymore. I did not throw up today, I slept in waaaay late, but, I feel good, and I got to talk to my Guardian Angel until before I fell asleep, which made my day special. I know, I'm just fifteen, but, I keep thinking about three or four years from now, when I get to walk down the aisle to him :) That, is going to be the most perfect day of my life! A simple  deep green dress, that's flattering, and falls to my knees, and thinking of a wedding that's on the day that we first started dating :) Absolutely perfect :) And romantic, and wonderful :)

I feel Icky...

I feel icky. Really icky. Cuz, I threw up... And I need a hug... And, sadly, the boy of my dreams is four miles away. Which sucks, cuz I like his hugs best. Ahhh, my head hurts, and I could use a nice nap in his arms. Which, would be amazing. 

Okay, guys, give us women some credit.

EVERY guy knows that once a month a woman has her period. But, what he doesn't know is HOW MUCH PERIOD CRAMPS FUCKING HURT.Almost all guys have been kicked in the balls. Take that pain, and think of it lasting for about three to seven days.Also, things you didn't know, besides for the cramps, and women being cranky, we sometimes get anemic from blood loss or feel like we're going to throw up, also, we get bloated, and we feel like scum. Don't forget... We carry your children around for nine months. We endure morning sickness aka more throwing up, then child birth. Which is cramps, times a million, pushing a heavy bony object from our vagina, and losing more blood, but gaining a child. We deal with a lot, so be nice when our wife/fiance/girlfriend is on her period. Give her something she loves, midol, and be cool about her being a lil cranky and SHE WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Medication

One thing about the meds I'm on that I really hate is I can't take aspirin. So, if I am in WRITHING UNAUDULTERATED PAIN I must consume massive amounts of Advil. Which uhm, doesn't work very well. Yeah, good part about my meds is they keep me from having seizures. Bad part I just can't take aspirin FML

ADVENTURES ON LSD

So, I was just chilling on facebook when all of a sudden, NYAN CAT COMES FLYING OUT OF THE COMPUTER. And Harry the Unicorn is all tweakin' out in the corner going: "HOLY SHIT SHIT SHAT!!! ITS THE FUCKING TAC NAYN(tack nine)!!!!!" Then, James the Fucking Pixie is all going "WAMO! ITS THE NYAN CAT DUDE! YOU"RE SO FUCKING STUPID!" Then, Nyan CAt picked me up and then a magical walrus ATE NYAN CAT!!!!!! AND ME N JAMES STARTED SCREAMING AND WRITHING IN PAIN!!! because nyan cat was our pal... THEN, THE WALRUS STARTED MAULING US!! AND WE WERE SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND GOING "HOLY FUUUUCCCCKK!!! I DONT WANNA DIE!" Then, the craziest shit happened! Me n James saw Jesus. And these crazy ass ninja fairy angel ZOMBIES were carrying him on a coffin!!!!! And Jesus gave us some KETAMINE!!!!!! and we were all, thanks maaan!!! and then we each toked up and we were ALL CRAZY ASS SCREAMING AND UP AND ABOUT FOR DAYS!!!! and and then. Jesus. DISAPPEARED. And we thought it was the ZOMBIE APOCALYSPE AND WE WERE SCREAMING CUZ OUR UNICORN WAS BEING MAULED BY THE FUCKING NINJA FAIRY ANGEL ZOMBIES!!! and and we found out.. THEY ATE JESUS!!! Then, we died. and god made us come back to life. It was scary man. 

Heaven Can Wait

That's an amazing song! It's by We The Kings. And I seriously recommend listening to it. If you're in love you'll understand what they're talking about. OR you could listen to Young Forever by The Ready Set and dance about and be all yeah!! Like me! I mean, the song is just.. BADASS!!! It's got a really good just, everything! I LOVE IT! Hey hey we'll be young forever... Hahaha Yes, I think I have something in mind for my LSD stories: ADVENTURES ON LSD hahaha It's funny cause honestly, I just have a pretty good imagination, and have talked to people who have done LSD so yes, I know how to make A PERFECT LSD STORY. I think I'll bring Harry the Unicorn along with me to NEVERLAND the next time I go to see Maurise the Narwahl, Maurise asked me to tell Harry that Voldymart has one weakness. YES I AM A HARRY POTTER FAN. WOOT WOOT! Hahaha for all of you that are working today, I will create another LSD STORY to keep you entertained while you sit at work and do paperwork or have to deal with annoying people who are seriosuly stupid or very pissed off. DON'T WORRY WORKERS OF AMERICA I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR LAME ASS WORK DAYS THIS SUMMER! Seeing as there is no school to keep me from getting on the computer and creating funny things for you to read.  So, I have this one playlist on playlist.com and it's like, the coolest playlist EVER. NO SHITTING YOU. It's just... AWESOME! And, now: Love. I swear, I love him more and more every day! Like, it's like I fall in love with him all over again each and every day :) There are some perks to being madly in love! 

A General Gift Of Encouragement

Hmmm, moving on from my last post, I'm thinking of all the random times where I've been a motivating, encouraging and inspiring person. Huh. Well, I haven't been able to inspire myself yet. I can talk myself into getting out of bed early in the morning, and talk myself into being willing to take my meds and have a normal Hayley-day. That's the thing. There shouldn't be one standard for normal. Because, then, you have people who feel bad, cause they're going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of their life or if they're like me, and have to take five or six pills a day so they don't have a seizure. Or, if they have HIV and have to take ten or twelve pills a day. Every one has their own, very distinct personal normal. My normal, is getting up, and having to take two pills, then go through the next few hours a lil sick and dizzy, then just going through the day. Then, before I go to bed I take three more. Then, I generally text Spencer until I fall asleep. That's my normal. What's your normal? I think Josh is right, about having a gift of Encouragement. I don't know many people who can be inspiring, I just know that I am one of those few people. I guess, that all the people are right. I'm funny, and pretty, and smart, and good at making people feel better about themselves and life! I guess, that's a really good gift to have. Whether it's cheering up Spencer, and keeping him from running away, or wanting to die, or Nichelle, helping her realize everyone has a different normal. yeah, I guess I have a pretty cool gift. And I don't know where I'd be without Paige and Spencer and Kayla and all my adopted family. :) You guys mean a lot to me, even the newer members, like Alex, and Kecia and Josh.

You asked for all that was said and here you go...

Okay you wanted the whole convo, and here you have it: 

• • Hayley Moses: This has got to stop. You need to stop talking shit about me right now. And Kylee told me what you said to her at lunch. And do not say you have no idea what I'm talking about because you do. I'm not trying be mean. All of the rumors started with *you* and I am tired of people telling Spencer he should know things that "happened" that never happened. You *need to stop* you have taken this too far and I am done with it. I will not apologize to you. If anything you should be apologizing to *me* because of you I have gone from invisible to the school's biggest whore. Stop this, and this is the only time I'm going to tell you to stop nicely.
• 

  17 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • I have NOT been spreading rumors about you. YOU are the one who became a total bitch. YOU are the one who decided that you could treat everyone like crap and have everyone treat you well at the same time. What did I really do wrong, Hayley? YOU HURT ME. So much. You changed to the point where I didn't know you anymore. THAT'S why I couldn't trust you. And the whole thing you pulled with Shawn and the message full of lies? I was appalled that you would even try to break us up. I KNOW you are not that mean. You used to be so nice. But now, you are a wannabe raver. A poser. And you treat EVERYONE except Spencer like shit. So many people think you are mean, Hayley. You have no idea. And yes, things DID happen. You are DRAGGING HIM DOWN. He is an unhappy person because of the new you. The old you was better. I LIKED the old you just fine. This new you is mean, hypocritical, and untrustworthy. Once again, I haven't been spreading rumors about you. People see how you act and make assumptions. So. Don't speak to me again, K? I don't care about the new you at all. When the old you comes back, let me know. I miss her.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • I will no go back to the person I was. The old me hated herself, drank because she was unhappy, was unconfident, starved herself, was underweight, and wanted to die. Is that really the person you want me to be? Are you really that kind of person? Since I haven't been friends with you, Spencer got through to me. I am happy, confident, out going, and I don't hate myself anymore. If you are going to want me to be the person I was then you can go away and never speak to me again, Spencer agrees with this. And don't say he doesn't because he told me to avoid you as much as I can. Good bye and do not message back.
• 

  18 June

  Hayley Moses

  • Everyone changes, that is what high school is about. And I care about all the people I'm close to, I just happen to be in love with Spencer and care about him the most.
  • (However on this bit, my gma wrote this, and I don't think this and i kinda think she took it a bit far) I am sure you did like the "old" Hayley, the one was was insecure, the one who could so easily be manipulated, the one who was suckered into trusting someone as I trusted you. Yes, that was a far more convenient person for you to "like", or should I say something akin to someone you could play ugly little games on, as you did so often with me. Making a mockery of me. Like I was just some joke. You silly, shallow person. I am moving toward maturity and you would prefer to drag me back into an era that brought me unhappiness. No, no more. To me you simply are insignificant. And with this writing, I'm done.
• 

  18 June

  AnnMarie Isabella Candelaria

  • Fine, you stuck up little girl. But let me tell you; I was at a party tonight where everyone knew you. All of them think the same way I do. What did I do to hurt you? You fail to answer that question. BUT. I know the answer. I DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING TO YOU. You are just looking for a scapegoat. Someone to blame. EVERYONE but Spencer sees that. Mike can't even stand you! You were once so close. Please, explain these 'ugly little games' I played with you. I didn't do anything to you. YOU did it to yourself. I researched your meds, and they can't make you a bitch; you do that on your own. You blame your problems on your meds, you friends, your sisters, EVERYONE but yourself. And that is a mark of extreme immaturity. And I don't want you to be unhappy and insecure. I want a combination of the old Hayley and the new Hayley. A happy, kindhearted person who could make me laugh and cheered me up when I was upset. The one I could tell everything to. The one I could share my writing with. Now, you have become a raver (and you have never even been to a rave), and you treat your friends like crap and have adopted new ones with questionable behavior. You do questionable things to fit in with them. You skip class or school altogether. You once said you wanted to get into Physics in college, and the way you are now, you will never get there. Or it will be extremely difficult. I know you say that I am such a horrible person and everything, but you could ask an awful lot of people what they think of me, and they most likely wouldn't say that they hated me. I try to be a good friend. I tried to be a good friend to you. But you began to push me away. And so I backed into the shadows to give you space. The next thing I knew, you were making snide comments to my face, hurting me. You were ignoring me, by ditching me at lunch with Spencer and not telling me why ( I don't believe that you were feeling anti social for a month). You flew off the handle with me for the littlest things. So I began to distrust you. I COULDN'T trust you; I wasn't going to go through that again. You have no idea how many people did the same thing you did and hurt me. NO IDEA. I wouldn't even mind the new Hayley so much if you were a kind person. But you AREN'T! You have become so mean. And I can tell because of that last message you sent me. You are cruel. And with that attitude... you will soon learn. Nobody likes it, and eventually, you will lose all of your friends.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Okay, There are quite a few fucked up things with what ann kept saying, one, missing the pre-Shift me. Now, that me, hated herself, and she says she misses the nice part of me from the pre-Shift me. Uhm... I wasn't very nice, I am actually nicer now. Secondly: she IS NOT Spencer. And she can't read him like I can. The bit she sees is Spencer worrying about me. And, I can read Spencer like a book, I know him top to bottom. She hasn't know him for even a year. I have known him for almost three years now. And from all the crap she's talked about me, he hates her now. 
    So, it's really her loss.  Amd after reading this, I don't think Ms. Tayon OR Mr. Wilfong will be very sympathetic with her. Seeing as she called me names and I didn't call her any names at all.